Miracles or Magic? [v31]

SEPTEMBER 2001

MIRACLES OR MAGIC? — As I mentioned above, I have seen Andre Kole perform his illusions over the years. I have even attended the “Blackstone’s Magician’s Convention” that brought many of the “big” names together to astonish us all with new tricks. They are amazing and “defy” natural laws. They seem “miraculous.” Do miracles really happen?

I believe ALL of us have seen miracles, even today. For example, every time I hold a newborn child, I am amazed that this “wonder” developed from an infinitesimal embryo. To me, the intricate design of the human body points to the handiwork of a Creator that has the “ability” of direct supernatural intervention in our lives.

Were the “miracles” mentioned in the Bible just magic tricks that fooled simple, primitive people?  Today it is claimed that we live in a scientific age and have developed the “capacity” to see miracles as being superstitious rather than paranormal phenomenon. I believe that a rigorous study of the evidence will show that these accounts were not a superstitious reaction to some clever “tricksters.”

Consider the encounter Moses and Aaron had with the Pharaoh and his magicians. I am sure we have all seen various renditions of the “miracle” when Moses threw down his staff and it changed into a snake—which then the Egyptian magi duplicated. Did they also perform a miracle?

If Pharaoh’s magicians did not perform a genuine miracle, how could they have created such an effective illusion? For the magicians to change the staffs into snakes by the use of some type of illusion or magic trick, rather than by supernatural powers, they would have had to disguise the snakes to look, or at least momentarily represent staffs, and perform some type of quick switch of the staffs for the snakes. Or, they would have to hide the snakes in something that gave the appearance of a staff. Both methods would have been relatively easy to accomplish.

Walter Gibson in his book “Secrets of Magic,” shares how modern Egyptian wizards perform the staff to snake trick, and Pharaoh’s magicians may have used the exact method. “Actually, the stick is a snake at the very start. The trick depends upon a species called the “naja haje”, or the Egyptian cobra. A peculiarity of this snake is that it can be made motionless by pressure just below the head. Thus temporarily paralyzed, the “naja haje” becomes rigid, like a stick, but when it is thrown on the ground, it is jolted back to action.”

It is also interesting that in the Biblical account (Exodus 4:4) we are told that the Lord said to him, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail.” So, Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. Therefore, Moses’ snake could not have been a naja haje!

The people living in ancient times certainly knew that men born blind do not immediately receive their sight; that five loaves and a few fish would not feed 5,000 people;  and that the dead don’t come back to life. People in those times were no less skeptical than we are today. It was the unavoidable, the inescapable,  and the irrefutable facts that caused them to believe. The natural order was interfered with as a “miracle” occurred. The fact is, not one of these “miracles” was denied by the harshest critics. They just wanted to know from “where” the power and authority was being derived.

Those who object to the possibility of miracles usually assume that the natural laws of the universe cannot be overruled by some outside force—it is a “closed” system. Though scientific inquiry is not “threatened” by the occurrence of miracles, since they are by definition unusual events that involve the suspension of normal processes, the real issue is the question whether God exists or not.

Some object that God’s revelation is too remote. They insist that if He wants people to believe, He should reveal Himself in a more direct way. In effect, the objector was to be “clobbered” over the head with a “sign.”

What would it take for you? A cloud formation spelling out the answer to your thoughts? A glowing “angel” hovering above your bed at midnight? God, however, has done more than enough.

How can we “know” whether God has chosen to intervene in His creation through miraculous works? The clearest “signs” I know are the ones of Jesus Christ—that have been subject to intense historical scrutiny—with 100% archeological reliability of what is said in the Biblical documents. The clearest sign would be the Resurrection of Christ. This is one of the most historically proven events of the ancient times—more than even the fact that Caesar lived and was a Roman emperor!

So, if you’re still not to sure about all this, consider the claims and credentials of Jesus—the miracles He performed; the validity of His claims; the profound impact He has had on virtually every aspect of human life; and the implications of a faith in Him will have for your eternal destiny.

Blessings….
Mark

LIFE’S DEEP THOUGHTS (v31) for SEPTEMBER 2001
(NOTE: Please send your ‘thoughts’ to me at: mbesh@ameritech.net)

I am glad to organize and distribute more ‘stuff’ if y’all send it to me… Thank you’s to:

Gene Besh
Sandy Lerner

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GOD HAD SOMETHING FOR ME TO DO
On the front porch of his little country store in Illinois, Abraham Lincoln and Barry, his partner, stood.  Business was all gone, and Barry asked, “how much longer can we keep this going?” Lincoln answered, “it looks as if zero or business has just about winked out.” then he continued, “you know, I wouldn’t mind so much if I could just do what I want to do.  I want to study law.  I wouldn’t mind it so much if we could sell everything we’ve got and pay all our bills and have just a enough left over to buy one book, Blackstone’s Commentary on English Law, but I guess I can’t.”

A strange looking wagon was coming up the road.  The driver angled it up close to the store porch, then looked at Lincoln and said, ” I’m trying to move my family out west, and I’m out of money.  I’ve got a good Beryl here that I could sell for 50 cents. “Lincoln’s eyes went along the wagon and came to the wife looking at him pleadingly, face thin and emaciated, Lincoln ran his hand into his pocket and took out, according to him ” the last 50 cents I had” and said, ” I reckon I could use a good barrel.”

All day long the barrel sat on the porch of that store.  Barry kept chiding Lincoln about it.  Late in the evening link and walked out and looked down into the apparel.  He saw something in the bottom of it, papers that he hadn’t noticed before.  His long arms went down into the barrel and, as he fumbled around, he hit something solid.  He pulled out a book and stood petrified: it was Blackstone’s Commentary on English Law. Lincoln later wrote, “I stood there holding the book and looking up toward the heavens.  There came a deep impression on me that God has something for me to do and He was showing me now that I had to get ready for it.  Why this miracle otherwise?”

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A LETTER FROM AN 83-YEAR-OLD WOMAN TO HER FRIEND
I’m reading more and dusting less.  I’m sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time working.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure.  I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I’m not “saving” anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom.  I wear my good blazer to the market.  My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries.  I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank. “Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I’m not sure what others would’ve done had they known that they wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted.  I think they would have called family members and a few close friends.  They might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.  I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, or for whatever their favorite food was.  I’m guessing; I’ll never know.

It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited.  Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days.  Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and parents often enough how much I truly love them.  I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.

You received this because someone cares for you.  If you’re too busy to take the few minutes that it takes right now to forward this, would it be the first time you didn’t do the little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?  I can tell you it certainly won’t be the last.  Take a few minutes to send this to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you’re thinking of them.  “People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don’t need to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.”

I don’t believe in miracles.  I rely on them.

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WHAT THE SOUL ATTRACTS
The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and also that which it fears; it reaches the height of its cherished aspirations; it falls to the level of its unchastened desires. Every thought-seed sown or allowed to fall into the mind and to take root there, produces its own, blossoming sooner or later into act, and bearing its own furtive opportunity and circumstance. Good thoughts bear good fruit; bad thought, bad fruit.  [James Allen]

You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts.  [Brian Tracy]

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BROKEN TO BECOME BEAUTIFUL
At the Royal Palace of Tehran in Iran, you can see one of the most beautiful mosaics in the world. The ceilings and the walls flash like diamonds in multifaceted  reflections.

Originally, when the palace was designed, the artist specified huge sheets of mirrors on the walls. When the first shipment arrived from Paris, they found to their horror that the mirrors were shattered. The contractor threw them in the trash and brought the sad news to the architect. Amazingly, the architect ordered all the broken pieces collected, then them into tiny pieces and glued into the walls to become a mosaic of silvery, shimmering, and mirrored bits of glass.

Broken to become beautiful. It’s possible to turn your scars into stars. It is possible to be better because of the brokenness. Never underestimate God’s power to repair and restore.

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RIDDLE:
Two words that end in the suffix “gry” are angry and hungry. There are three words in the English language. The third word is a very common word, and you use it often. EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. EveryONE uses it everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I’ve given you the third word. What is it? Think very carefully.

(Answer at the end of the newsletter)

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When you are DOWN to nothing…God is UP to something.   [Unknown]

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THE “DECISION”
A company was hiring new staff. One question in the written exam was:
You are driving your car in a wild stormy night. You pass by a bus station, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
– An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
– A doctor who had once saved your life.
– A man/woman you have been dreaming to be with.

You can only take one passenger in your car. Which one will you choose? Please explain your answer. Think about it before you continue reading.

This must be some kind of personality test. Every answer has its reasoning.

You could pick up the old lady. She is going to die, and thus you should save her first. You could take the doctor, because he once saved your life. This will be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you could always pay the doctor back in the future, but you may never be able to find the perfect lover once you pass this chance.

The candidate who was eventually hired (out of 200 applicants) did not have to explain his answer.

WHAT DID HE SAY?
He simply answered: “Give the car key to the doctor. Let him take the old lady to the hospital. I will stay and wait for the bus with the man/woman of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we would gain more if we were able to give up our stubborn limitations.
{Author unknown]

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A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:
– GOD is like BAYER ASPIRIN … He works miracles.
– GOD is like a FORD … He’s got a better idea.
– GOD is like COKE … He’s the real thing.
– GOD is like HALLMARK CARDS … He cares enough to send  His very best.
– GOD is like TIDE … He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
– GOD is like GENERAL ELECTRIC … He brings good things to life.
– GOD is like SEARS … He has everything.
– GOD is like ALKA-SELTZER … Try Him, you’ll like him.
– GOD is like SCOTCH TAPE … You can’t see him, but you know He’s there.
– GOD is like DELTA … He’s ready when you are.
– GOD is like ALLSTATE … You’re in good hands with Him.
– GOD is like VO-5 HAIR SPRAY … He holds through all kinds of weather.
– GOD is like DIAL SOAP … Aren’t you glad you have Him?  Don’t you wish everybody did?   [Received from Gene Besh]

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ONLY IN AMERICA ….
….can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
….are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
….do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
….do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
….do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
….do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
….do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
….do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.
….do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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WORDS TO LIVE BY
I sat next to the bed of old man, a friend for over twenty years, and held his hand. Hal was dying. We both knew these next few days would be his last.

We spent time reminiscing about his long and fruitful career as a church pastor. We talked about old friends. We chatted about his family. And I listened as he offered sage wisdom and advice to a member of a “younger generation.”

At a lull in the conversation, Hal seemed to carefully consider what he was about to say next. Then he squeezed my hand, gazed intently into my eyes and whispered, just loud enough for me to hear, “Nothing is more important than relationships.”

I knew that this was somehow near the pinnacle of his life’s learnings. As he considered all of his experiences — personal, professional, spiritual and family, this one ultimate observation surfaced above the rest: “Nothing is more important than relationships.”

“Don’t get overly caught up in your career,” he seemed to be saying to me. “Likewise, don’t use people in order to achieve your goals, then throw them away. No project, no program, no task should be pursued at the expense of friends and family.

“Remember,” I heard him saying, as clearly as if he were speaking the words, “that in the end, only your relationships will truly matter. Tend them well.”

Writer Og Mandino puts it this way: “Beginning today,” he said, “treat everyone you meet as if he or she were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do so with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

At the end of a long life, my friend Hal would have agreed.  [Author unknown]

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THOSE WHO…
Those who can, do.
Those who can’t, teach.
Those who can’t teach, counsel.
Those who can’t counsel, administrate.
Those who can’t administrate, enter data into the computer.
Those who can’t enter data into the computer, take dictation.
Those who can’t take dictation, alphabetize files.
Those who can’t alphabetize files, answer the phone.
Those who can’t answer the phone, fry hamburgers.
Those who can’t fry hamburgers, run the cash register.
Those who can’t run the cash register, wait on tables.
Those who can’t wait on tables, carry dirty dishes to the kitchen.
Those who can’t carry dirty dishes to the kitchen, wash the dirty dishes.
Those who can’t wash dirty dishes, peel potatoes.
Those who can’t peel potatoes, buff the floor.
Those who can’t buff the floor, haul out the garbage.
Those who can’t haul out the garbage, write poetry.
Those who can’t write poetry, write clever letters to the editor.
Those who can’t write clever letters to the editor, write angry letters to the editor.
Those who can’t write angry letters to the editor, spray paint graffiti.
Those who can’t spray paint graffiti, write screenplays.
Those who can’t write screenplays, write TV scripts.
Those who can’t write TV scripts, read scripts for the studios.
Those who can’t read scripts for the studios, act.
Those who can’t act, take acting classes.
Those who can’t take acting classes, sing.
Those who can’t sing, sing Rock’N’Roll.
Those who can’t sing Rock’N’Roll, sing it anyway.
Those who can’t sing it anyway, become depressed.
Those who can’t become depressed, get bitter.
Those who can’t get bitter, get confused.
Those who can’t get confused, stay confused.
Those who stay confused, find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences.
Those who find it difficult to complete unfinished sentences, _____________.

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Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment…

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What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say  [Ralph Waldo Emerson]

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THE TRUEST WORDS TO LIVE BY
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
[Mother Teresa]

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I’m writing a book about the recession – It starts with Chapter 11.

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IF GOD SHOULD GO ON STRIKE
How good it is that God above has never gone on strike,
Because he was not treated fair in things he didn’t like.
If only once he’d given up and said, “That’s it, I’m through!
I’ve had enough of those on earth, so this is what I’ll do:
I’ll give my orders to the sun – cut off the heat supply!
And to the moon – give no more light, and run the oceans dry,
Then just to make things really tough and put the pressure on,
Turn off the vital oxygen till every breath is gone!”
You know, He would be justified, if fairness was the game,
For no one has been more abused or met with more disdain than God,
and yet He carries on, supplying you and me,
With all the favor of His grace,
and  everything for free.
Men say they want a better deal, and so on strike they go,
But what a deal we’ve given God to whom all things we owe,
We don’t care whom we hurt to gain the things we like,
But what a mess we’d all be in,
If God should go on strike.
[Anon]

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Q: What can be served but not eaten?
(Answer at the end of the newsletter)

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FLOW
Did you know… an estimated 500,000 tons of water rush over Niagara Falls every minute? Isn’t that amazing? However, on March 29, 1948, the falls suddenly ceased flowing.

People living within the sound of the falls were awakened by the deafening silence. It was an event they had never experienced in their lives. As a result, many believed that it was a sign that the world was coming to an end.

What happened?

Heavy Arctic winds had set the ice fields of Lake Erie in motion. Tons of ice jammed the Niagara River entrance near Buffalo and stopped the flow of the river until the ice shifted again. For over 30 hours, not one drop of water fell from the great Niagara.

In much the same way, the flow of God’s mercy and grace can be stopped by a cold indifference in our lives. Jesus once spoke to the crowd and said, “If any man is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in me as the Scripture said, ‘from his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water” (John 7:37-38 NASV).

As we praise and thank God and as we live and serve others, people witness our passion, joy, and love for Christ. We let God’s mercy and grace flow to us and flow through us to others. We help the flow of God’s grace and mercy to others. Let’s not let cold indifference, to God or to others, block this flow of mercy and grace through our lives
to others.  [Brent Nidiffer and Jamie Shell -Timely Truths Ministries]

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DON’T WE ALL
I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those “don’t want to be bothered times.”

“I hope he doesn’t ask me for any money,” I thought. He didn’t.

He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn’t look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus.

After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very pretty car,” he said.

He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him.  His scraggly blond beard keep more than his face warm.

I said, “thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.

He sat there quietly as I worked.  The expected plea for money never  came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, “ask him if he needs any help.” I was sure that he would say “yes” but I held true to the inner voice.

“Do you need any help?”  I asked.

He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women.  We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments.  I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.

“Don’t we all?” he said.

I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun.

Don’t we all?

I needed help.  Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that.

You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.

Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.

Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, “go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.”

Don’t we all?
[Author unknown]

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MUSIC ARTISTS WHO BELONG TOGETHER
– Anita Baker and Humble Pie
– Asleep at The Wheel and ZZ Top
– Bad Company and Motley Crue
– Blondie and Split Enz
– Bob Dylan and Wheezer
– Boston and Cream
– Cracker and The Jam
– Crash Test Dummies and Third Eye Blind
– Cream and Puff Daddy
– Dizzy Gilespie and Ten Times Fast
– Donna Summer and Edgar Winter
– Eddie Rabbit and Echo & the Bunnymen
– Fine Young Cannibals and Missing Persons
– Flock of Seagulls and Everybodyduck
– Foreigner and Bad English
– Guess Who and The Who
– Jethro Tull and The Clampetts
– Josie & The Pussycats and Cat Stevens
– Kajagoogoo and The Babies
– Kansas and Toto (and add Ozzy)
– Meatloaf and Salt-N-Pepa
– Michael Jackson and Enigma
– Milli Vanilli and The Pretenders (or Milli Vanilli  and Cheap Trick)
– Neneh Cherry and Fiona Apple
– Pearl Jam and Bread
– Phish and Styx
– Ratt and Poison
– Smashing Pumpkins and The Smithereens
– Spice Girls and Simple Minds
– Styx and Stones
– Tammy Graham and Cracker
– T-bone and Skillet
– The Beatles and Black Flag
– The Cranberries and Juice Newton
– The Lost Dogs and Stray Cats
– The Mamas and the Papas and The Offspring
– The Monkees and Bananarama
– Three Dog Night and Bow Wow Wow
– Traffic and The Jam
– Twisted Sister and the Doobie Brothers
– Us3 and U2
– Vanilla Ice and Cream

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Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.

If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth’s surface.

This would explain the death of the dinosaurs—the tallest ones, anyway…….

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Action without planning is fatal, but planning without action is futile.
[Tracie Van Eimeren]

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When death, the great reconciler, has come, it is never our tenderness that we repent of, but our severity.  [George Eliot]

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The more I get to know, the more amazed I am at how much I don’t know.  [Mark Besh]

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We always attract into our lives whatever we think about most, believe in most strongly, expect on the deepest level, and imagine most vividly.  [Shakti Gawain]

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To realize the value of ten years:
Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize the value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one second:
Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.
[Received from Sandy Lerner]

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Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation and in cold wither becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind.   [Leonardo da Vinci]

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Anyone can become angry.  That is easy.  But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.   [Aristotle]

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Noah was a trusting soul. Imagine going out in a wooden boat with two termites on board.

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PUZZLES!!!!

0
______
B.A.
B.S.
P.H.D.

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Ground
Feet Feet Feet
Feet Feet
Feet

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Wear
————
Long

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Dice
Dice

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one    another
one    another
one    another
one    another
one    another
one    another

(Answers at the end of the newsletter)

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MARK’S MUSINGS
Why is there a permanent press setting on most irons?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the ‘terminal’?

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TRUTHS FOR LIVING
The more generous we are, the more joyous we become.

The more cooperative we are, the more valuable we become.

The more enthusiastic we are, the more productive we become.

The more serving we are, the more prosperous we become.

The more outgoing we are, the more helpful we become.

The more curious we are, the more creative we become.

The more patient we are, the more understanding we become.

The more persistent we are, the more successful we become.
[William Arthur Ward]

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ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM TREES
– It’s important to have roots.
– In today’s complex world, it pays to branch out.
– Don’t pine away over old flames.
– If you really believe in something, don’t be afraid to go out on a limb.
– Be flexible so you don’t break when a harsh wind blows.
– Sometimes you have to shed your old bark in order to grow.
– If you want to maintain accurate records, keep a log.
– To be politically correct, don’t wear firs.
– Grow where you’re planted.
– It’s perfectly okay to be a late bloomer.
– Avoid people who would like to cut you down.
– Get all spruced up when you have a hot date.
– If the party gets boring or dangerous, just leaf.
– You can’t hide your true colors as you approach the autumn of your life.
– It’s more important to be honest than poplar.

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There’s just a little more time to get into God’s great outdoors…to enjoy the beauty of the mountains and lakes…to cover oneself in bug spray…to wrestle with an uncooperative tent…that’s right, CAMPING! So I thought I would offer some camping tips….

– When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
– Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
– Old socks can be made into  “high fiber” beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
– A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish.
– A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
– A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but as the cheese cools it will stick between your toes.
– While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
– Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
– You’ll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
– You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
– When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
– You can compress the diameter of your rolled-up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
– The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
– Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting the bells on the bears.

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RIDDLE ANSWER:
language

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Q: What can be served but not eaten?
A: A tennis ball

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PUZZLES!!!!

0
______
B.A.
B.S.
P.H.D.

Answer: Three degrees below zero
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Ground
Feet Feet Feet
Feet Feet
Feet

Answer: Six feet under ground
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Wear
————
Long

Answer: Long underwear
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Dice
Dice

Answer: Paradise
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one    another
one    another
one    another
one    another
one    another
one    another

Answer: six of one, half dozen of another

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DEEP THOUGHT:
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock—but that’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out too long!

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ATTENTION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is coming an opportunity to experience a magical spectacular of a world famous illusionist. Andre Kole, the recipient of the coveted “Merlin Award” for the “Magic Inventor of the Decade,” will be performing on stage at Mercy High School, Farmington Hills, MI, WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 at 7:00PM. This two-hour magical extravaganza will astound you—as it did me the last time I saw him a few years ago. David Copperfield has been one of Andre’s “clients,” collaborating with him on each of David’s television specials (especially the creation of the disappearance of the Statue of Liberty).

Invite your friends and family (not recommended for children under 5 years old). With advanced tickets at ONLY $5 EACH, this is the best entertainment value of this year!
CONTACT ME FOR TICKETS before they sell out!!!

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Hope you enjoyed some of these insights—share them with your friends and colleagues—so we can have a larger ‘pool’ to receive from, and more to share with!

Also, remember to include your name as the “source,” if some of this wisdom is of your doing—I would like to give credit where credit is due!

When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed.  “Where did this man get these things?” they asked.  “What’s this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! [Mark 6:2]

Mark

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Disclaimer: All the above jokes & inspirations are obtained from various sources and copyright are used when known. Other than our name and headers, we do not own the copyright to any of the materials sent to this list. We just want to spread the ministry of God’s love and cheerfulness throughout the world.

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