Quotes|Stories|Jokes|Riddles (v1)

JANUARY 1999

LIFE’S DEEP THOUGHTS

Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself.
MANKIND. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words “mank” and “ind.”
What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and so is mankind.

Love is a fruit in season at all times and within the reach of every hand!

A Riddle:
Anna’s mother has three daughters.
The youngest is named Penny.
The middle one is named Nickel.
What is the name of the oldest daughter?

Formula for success: Underpromise and overdeliver

An optimist is a person who starts a crossword puzzle with a pen

If I spent as much time doing the things I worry about getting done
as I do worrying about doing them,
I wouldn’t have anything to worry about!

Live your life so you don’t have to hide your diary

Daffynition: Teenager’s Dad; A human ATM machine

I am absolutely sure there is no life on Mars –
It’s not listed on my teenage daughter’s phone bills.

It never occurs to teenagers that someday they will know as little as their parents!

Teacher to student: “Name two pronouns.”
Student to teacher: “Who?  Me?”

He turned his life around.
He used to be depressed and miserable.
Now he’s miserable and depressed.

Happiness comes to those who are moving toward something they want very much to happen —
and it almost always involves making someone else happy!

If everything seems to be coming your way –
You’re in the wrong lane!

I’m a light eater – As soon as it’s light, I start to eat.

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly—
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman!  Without her, man is nothing.”

The problem with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it

Character is defined by what you’re willing to do when the spotlight has been turned off,
when the applause has died down, and no one is around to give you credit

What you are speaks so loud that I can’t hear what you are saying

When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt

The closest most people ever come to reaching their ‘ideal’ is when they write their resumes

The greatest ability is dependability

He who hesitates is not only lost, but also several miles from the next exit!

A key chain is a wonderful gadget that allows us to lose several keys at the same time

Universal Law: The other line always moves faster

I had plastic surgery last week –
I cut up my credit cards

It takes 26 muscles to smile and 62 to frown –
Why not make it easy on yourself?

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it

Priorities!
A while back I was reading about an expert on the subject of time management.  One day this expert was speaking to a group of  business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget.

As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.”

Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him.  Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?”

Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?”  He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel.  Then he dumped some gravel in and shook  the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, “Is the jar  full?”

By this time the class was onto him.  “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!”  he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel.  Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”

“No!”  the class shouted.  Once again he said, “Good!” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”

“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point.  The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.” What are the ‘big rocks’ in your life? A project that YOU want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you’ll never get them in at all.

So, tonight or in the morning when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the ‘big rocks’ in my life or business? Then, put those in your jar first!

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back

Change is inevitable….except from vending machines

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow

Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car

We have over 36 million laws to enforce the Ten Commandments!

If you have some ‘werds’ of wisdom you have come across that you like, send them to me and I will collect them and send them back out to everyone – Mark Besh  ( mbesh@ameritech.net )