Easter|New Life [v26]

APRIL 2001

GREETINGS — I remember my Junior High school biology class and the collection of caterpillars we had. Their home was a shoe box, covered with screen wire. It was my job to feed them faithfully with leaves from a tree outside. I hated it.

Finally the caterpillars stopped their incessant crawling and chewing, attached their tails firmly to a stick and lay still, sheathed with a shiny leather-like case. For weeks they seemed to be dead, unmoving in their tiny gray wrappings. I removed the screen and waited.

One by one, the gray cases began to twist and turn violently, and suddenly split open. A beautiful butterfly emerged. It stood for hours gently moving its wings, pumping fluids into them to extend them fully. Then the butterfly soared gracefully away on the breezes of summer, leaving nothing behind but a broken chrysalis to indicate its former bondage.

The chrysalis and butterfly suggest the empty grave clothes of the risen Christ. When Peter and John heard the news that Jesus’ body was gone from the garden tomb, they ran all the way from their lodging. Peter entered the tomb and “he saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus’ head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen” [John 20:6-7, NIV]. The grave clothes once wrapped continuously around the body now lay collapsed, mute testimony that the corpse they had once shrouded had now emerged in life.

The bondage of death is broken. Christ is risen! We can face tomorrow with the assurance that Jesus is in fact alive to help us, to guide us, to give us hope for the future. And since He is living, our problems are not insolvable. The broken chrysalis of His grave clothes proclaims that Christ is victor even over death. Because He lives, nothing is impossible.

[Excerpts from “A Broken Chrysalis” by Dr. Ralph F. Wilson]


(NOTE: Please send your ‘thoughts’ to me at: mbesh@ameritech.net)

I am glad to organize and distribute more ‘stuff’ if y’all send it to me… Thank you’s to:

Joy Asashon
Richard Bachman
Gene Besh
Lezlie Besh
Bill Bishop
Jan Larson
Ken Larson
Rollie Mossberg
Joe Olson
Tracy Pultorak

The greatest festival of the Christian church commemorates the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is a movable feast; that is, it is not always held on the same date. In AD 325 the church council of Nicaea decided that it should be celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox of March 21. Easter can come as early as March 22 or as late as April 25.

In many churches Easter is preceded by a season of prayer, abstinence, and fasting called Lent. This is observed in memory of the 40 days’ fast of Christ in the desert. In Eastern Orthodox churches Lent is 50 days. In Western Christendom Lent is observed for six weeks and four days.

Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, gets its name from the practice, mainly in the Roman Catholic church, of putting ashes on the foreheads of the faithful to remind them that “man is but dust.” Palm Sunday, one week before Easter, celebrates the entry of Jesus into Jerusalem. Holy Week begins on this day. Holy Thursday, or Maundy Thursday, is in memory of the Last Supper of Christ with his disciples. Good Friday commemorates the crucifixion.

Lent may be preceded by a carnival season. The origin of the word carnival is probably from the Latin carne vale, meaning “flesh (meat), farewell.” Elaborate pageants often close this season on Shrove Tuesday, the day before the beginning of Lent. This day is also called by its French name, Mardi Gras.

The name Easter comes from Eostre, an ancient Anglo-Saxon goddess, originally of the dawn. In pagan times an annual spring festival was held in her honor. Some Easter customs have come from this and other pre-Christian spring festivals. Others come from the Passover feast of the Jews, observed in memory of their deliverance from Egypt.

The word paschal comes from a Latin word that means “belonging to Passover or to Easter.” Formerly, Easter and the Passover were closely associated. The resurrection of Jesus took place during the Passover. Christians of the Eastern church initially celebrated both holidays together. But the Passover can fall on any day of the week, and Christians of the Western church preferred to celebrate Easter on Sunday the day of the resurrection.

The white lily, the symbol of the resurrection, is the special Easter flower. Rabbits and colored eggs have come from pagan antiquity as symbols of new life. Easter Monday egg rolling, a custom of European origin, has become a tradition on the lawn of the White House in Washington, D.C.

The white lily stands for purity. The lily is also the sign of the Resurrection. The lovely white Madonna lily was used for years as the Easter lily. It often failed to bloom in time for Easter, however, and so Bermuda lilies were substituted.
[C. Murchison]

“Raised from the dead? Sure. Right. And I have a bridge I’d like to sell you.”

That’s how “Doubting” Thomas might have responded if he had lived in the 1990s. “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands, and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.” He’d seen dead people before. And Jesus was dead. He sounds like sophisticated rationalists of the Twentieth Century. “It isn’t plausible,” they would contend. “It didn’t happen.”

But what if it did happen?

Thomas was convinced when Jesus appeared to him, reached out his hands to Thomas, and said, “Put your finger here.”

Thomas dropped to his knees. “My Lord and my God!”

It was self-hypnosis, you counter. The disciples wanted to believe that their Lord was not dead, so they just invented it out of whole cloth.

Really? Let’s look at some of the evidence.

1. First, Jesus’ body was missing. If the Jews could have found it, they could have stilled the preaching of Jesus’ resurrection that filled Jerusalem. But they could not.
2. Next, the body wasn’t stolen. The Romans had no motive. The Jews had no motive. But, you say, the disciples stole it. There is the matter of the Roman guards, and the disciples’ initial disbelief when the women brought them the news early that Easter morning. This brings me to my third point.
3. If the disciples had stolen the body, you wouldn’t expect them to risk their lives. People don’t die for what they know is not true. But the disciples put their lives on the line, and nearly all were eventually martyred for their faith. They certainly believed it.
4. Followers of Jesus in the city of Jerusalem grew from a few dozen to thousands upon thousands soon after Jesus’ resurrection. They believed it was true.
5. Even contemporary documents refer to the event. Thallus the Samaritan, Suetonius, Tacitus, Pliny contain references to Jesus. Jewish historian Josephus writes about Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. They knew something had happened.

Jesus’ resurrection from the dead is actually more plausible than any other explanation. That’s why we Christians make such a big deal about Easter. That’s why we celebrate.

Jesus’ resurrection means that death is not the end. That though my body may lie mouldering in the ground, Jesus, whom the Father raised from the dead, gives me eternal life. Ultimately, we Christians believe, our bodies, too, will be raised from the dead.

And since Jesus is not dead, people can encounter him today. You can know him through a personal relationship. I could point to lots of people who can testify what Jesus has done in their lives to bring them from the brink of disaster to peace and meaning and joy. He changes people for good.

If you’re not sure can’t really say you’ve met this risen Jesus, this Easter Sunday why don’t you slip into church to seek him. And perhaps in the midst of our celebration, you’ll find him for yourself.

He’s alive…that’s what Easter is all about!  [Dr. Ralph F. Wilson]

Through the resurrection, Jesus demonstrated that He does not stand in a line of peers with Buddha, Mohammed, or any other founder of a world religion. They died and are still dead, but Christ is risen. As someone well said, the resurrection is the very capstone in the arch of Christianity; if it is removed, all else crumbles.

Fact. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is an undeniable fact of history. and that’s not just anyone’s opinion. That was the opinion of Dr. Simon Greenleaf, who was the greatest authority on legal evidence of the nineteenth century. He was also the famous Royall Professor of Law at Harvard and was directly responsible for the school’s rise to eminence among American law schools. After being goaded by his students into examining the evidence for the resurrection, Greenleaf suggested that any cross-examination of the eye-witness testimonies recorded in Scripture would result in “an undoubting conviction of their integrity, ability, and truth.”

Empty tomb. Even the enemies of Christ had to admit that the tomb was empty. The record shows that they went so far as to attempt to bribe the guards to say the body had been stolen. If the Jewish leaders had stolen the body, they could have later openly displayed it to prove that Jesus had not risen from the dead. Although many flawed theories have been concocted over the years, the fact of the empty tomb has never been refuted.

Appearances. He appeared to more than 500 witnesses at a single time. He also appeared to many other people, providing “many convincing proofs” of His resurrection. Christ in His resurrection body was even touched on two occasions, and He challenged the disciples and Thomas to feel His wounds.

Transformation. Before the resurrection, they might best have been characterized as cowards. After the resurrection, they were transformed into lions of faith. Despite intense persecution and the threat of cruel deaths, they testified to the truth of the resurrection. While it is conceivable that some might die for what they believe to be the truth, it is inconceivable that so many would die for what they knew to be false. As Greenleaf put it, “If it were morally possible for them to have been deceived in this matter, every human motive operated to lead them to discover and avow their error…If then their testimony was not true, there was no possible motive for this fabrication.”

Not only did the resurrection of Christ transform the disciples from cowards into lions of faith, but His resurrection also continues to transform lives today. Because Christ lives, the Scriptures says, we will live also. In an instant, in the twinkling of an eye, our bodies shall be transformed into resurrected bodies like His resurrected body. Indeed, the evidence for Christ’s resurrection is so overwhelming that no one can examine it with an open mind without becoming convinced of its truth.  [Excerpted–Hank Hanegraaff (www.equip.org)]

[Ed. There are many good sources of “evidence” available–some authors include Josh McDowell, Lee Strobel, D. James Kennedy, and Ravi Zacharias, and, of course, Hank Hanegraaff]

A priest was making his way through Central Park and was accosted by a mugger with a demand to hand over his wallet. While the priest was reaching into his pocket, the mugger noticed the Roman Collar and apologizingly said, “I’m sorry, Father, I didn’t realize you were a priest.  I would’ve never asked you to turn over your wallet had I known.  Please, forgive me.

The priest, who was quite shaken up by the whole ordeal, decided to reach out to the mugger by offering him a cigar. The mugger responded, “Oh no, Father, I can’t accept that.” Curious, the priest questioned, “Why?”
“I gave smoking up for Lent,” the mugger replied.

The rain was falling and the water level was falling. As the water level rose higher and higher, forcing the man onto the roof of his house, alone comes a row boat with an offer to take him to safer ground. “No, thanks.” the man replied. “The Lord will provide.”

As the water got higher, alone comes someone in a motor boat with another offer to take the man to safer ground. “No thanks, the Lord will supply.”

Standing on the very top of his chimney with a helicopter hovering overhead offering to take him to safer ground, he yells out, “Thanks, but no thanks. The Lord will provide.”

The rapidly rising water finally sweeps the man off the top of his house, taking him downstream toward destruction. While being swept alone in the rapids, he cries out, “Lord, why didn’t you help me? You know I was trusting in You.” He hears a voice say, “I sent you a row boat, a motor boat, and a helicopter. What more did you want me to do?”

Isn’t this just like most of us? God sends the help we are praying for, but all too often we refuse to recognize the help He sends. When things over our heads and we are out of control, we blame Him for ignoring us. [Author unknown]

~ A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
~ A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
~ As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
~ Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
~ Book (n): a utensil used to pass time while waiting for the computer repairman.
~ Does it concern you that the word “practice” is on your doctor’s door?
~ Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
~ Feed your faith and doubt will starve to death.
~ Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.
~ God gives and forgives. Man gets and forgets.
~ Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it?
~ He who angers you controls you.
~ I don’t question YOUR existence. – God
~ If God is your co-pilot, swap seats.
~ Ignore apathy.
~ One who lacks courage to start has already finished.
~ Our favorite attitude should be gratitude.
~ Success is more attitude than aptitude.
~ The road to success is always under construction.
~ We don’t change God’s message. His message changes us.
~ What do people in China call their good plates?
~ What do you call a male Ladybug?
~ What’s another word for thesaurus?
~ When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
~ Why do slim chance and fat chance mean the same thing?
~ You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat the people they
don’t need.
~ The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything. They
just make the best of everything.
~ Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s
grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.
[Mike Atkinson]

The world is an adventure,
there’s so many things to see,
the search for buried treasure,
climbing high up in a tree.

Finding shells along the seashore,
playing marbles in the sand,
skipping stones across a pond,
throwing as far as you can.

Playing a game of hide and seek,
way back out in the woods,
pretending your a robber,
and stealing all the goods.

Wading barefoot in a creek,
and trying to catch a frog,
or going to your favorite park,
and playing frisbie with your dog.

And as I sit and wonder,
it comes as no surprise,
how little things can seem so big,
seen through a child’s eyes.
[Author unknown]

Dear Sam-you-are, oh Sam-you-are,
Heed this lesson where’er you are:
You shall not covet your neighbor’s house.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s spouse.

Covet not his company.
And do not covet his S.U.V.
Not his cottage, nor his mortgage,
Not his boat, nor his coat.

Do not covet his green eggs and ham,
Nor his all-time favorite can of spam.
Do not covet them, you see,
For more than things your life should be.

Do not covet his videos, nor his bag of Doritos,
Not his CDs, nor his DVDs,
Not his scooter, nor computer,
Not his cell phone, nor his school loan

Not his age, nor his wage
Not his lawn, nor his brawn,
Not his golf clubs, nor his hot tubs.
Not his satellite dish, nor the lake where he can fish.

Not her clothes, nor her hose,
Not her tan, nor her van,
Not her hair, nor her flare.
Not her kids, nor her gold-plated, toilet lids!

So, Sam-you-are, dear Sam-you-are,
Heed this lesson, where’er you are:
Do not find it such hard labor
To not covet what belongs to your neighbor.
[(c) 2001 Roland L. Mossberg]

Did you know that an eagle knows when the storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come.

When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

When the storms of life come upon us — and all of us will experience them — [it may not be easy but] we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief in Jesus, our God. The storms do not have to overcome us. We can allow God’s power to lift us above them.
God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure and disappointment in our lives. Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.  [Dick Innes]

They say that prayer changes things, but does it REALLY change anything?
Oh yes! It really does!

Does prayer change your present situation or sudden circumstances?
No, not always, but it does change the way you look at those events.

Does prayer change your financial future?
No, not always, but it does change who you look to for meeting your daily needs.

Does prayer change shattered hearts or broken bodies?
No, not always, but it will change your source of strength and comfort.

Does prayer change your wants and desires?
No, not always, but it will change your wants into what God desires!

Does prayer change how you view the world?
No, not always, but it will change who’s eyes you see the world through.

Does prayer change your regrets from the past?
No, not always, but it will change your hopes for the future!

Does prayer change the people around you?
No, not always, but it will change you the problem isn’t always in others.

Does prayer change your life in ways you can’t explain?
Oh, yes, always! And it will change you from the inside out!

So does prayer REALLY change ANYTHING?

Yes! It REALLY does change EVERYTHING!
[Teressa Vowell]

‘Twas the day before the IPO, when all through the net,
Not an executive was flying, not even Ellison’s jet.
The documents were filed with the SEC with care,
In hopes that the IPO soon would be there.

Techies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of liquidity danced in their dreams.
The CEO with a reporter and PR at his side,
The press tour just concluded a cross-country ride.

When out on the web there arose such a clatter,
I surfed to the stock ticker to see what was the matter.
To eTrade, my Mac flew like a flash,
The market made a slight correction, it started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
“Must I sell my SUV, what about the house?”
When what to my wondering eyes would appear,
An email from the CEO that was quite clear.

I knew in a moment what he had to say,
It had to do with the crash that happened that day.
More rapid then VC money and Napster fame,
Another Dotcom Bomb and he called them by name;

“Now Pets! Now Petopia! It was plain to see,
Garden and Eve!” Oh God, why is this happening to me?
“We spent and we spent, with no revenue in site!
Be ‘sticky’, capture eyeballs, VC’s shouted all night.”

“As fast as we filed, the IPO was pulled,”
On CNBC our story will be told.
B2C, B2B, P2P changed with a flicker,
No company was spared on the stock ticker.

And then, in a twinkle, we were off raising a round.
Searching and searching, no money to be found.
Don’t count on series E, no money, no loan,
The end was quite near, we started to moan.

No more launch parties, and Super Bowl ads,
Pink slips and revenue became the fads.
The dot com frenzy – how it glimmered! The days were so merry!
The stock options how rosy, the payoff so cherry!

From Yahoo! to Amazon, they started it all,
Who would think, “The stock market, fall?”
We were chubby and plump, a right jolly ole folk,
We laughed when we heard, ‘Our start-up going broke?’

A wink of the eye and a twist of fate,
We realized our start-up entered the market too late.
We spoke not a word, but overcome with grief,
As we watched the market close in disbelief.

The CEO sprang to his team, and gave a whistle,
Away we were, laid-off like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as we drove off that night,
‘www.FailedDotcoms.com will be our next site!’
[Received from Richard Bachman]

One day I dug a little hole
and put my hurt inside
I thought that I could just forget
I’d put it there to hide.
But that little hurt began to grow
I covered it every day
I couldn’t leave it and go on
It seemed the price I had to pay.

My joy was gone, my heart was sad
Pain was all I knew.
My wounded soul enveloped me
Loving seemed too hard to do.
One day, while standing by my hole
I cried to God above
And said, “If You are really there —
They say, You’re a God of love!”

And just like that — He was right there
And just put His arms around me
He wiped my tears, His hurting child
There was no safer place to be.
I told Him all about my hurt
I opened up my heart
He listened to each and every word
To every sordid part.

I dug down deep and got my hurt
I brushed the dirt away
And placed it in the Master’s hand
And healing came that day.
He took the blackness of my soul
And set my spirit FREE!
Something beautiful began to grow
Where the hurt used to be.

And when I look at what has grown
Out of my tears and pain
I remember every day to give my hurts to Him
And never bury them again.
[Author Unknown]

Golfer: “I’ve played so poorly all day; I think I’m going to go drown
myself in that lake.”
Caddy: “I doubt you could keep your head down that long.”

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this
Caddy: “Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Golfer: “Well, I have never played this badly before!
Caddy: “I didn’t realize you had played before, sir.”

Golfer: “Caddy, do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to.”

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It’s
Caddy: “This isn’t a watch, sir, its a compass!”

Golfer: “Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?”
Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin any day of the week!”

Golfer: “This golf is a funny game.”
Caddy: “It’s not supposed to be.”

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old.”
Caddy: “It’s a long time since we started, sir.”

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”

Golfer (screaming): “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!”
Caddy: “I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence!”
A Texan farmer goes to Australia on vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice that size!”

They walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately replies, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation has died down when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks the Aussie, “What are those?”

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off….
It’s the realization that I can’t control another…..

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.
[Author unknown]

– There’s more to life than increasing its speed.
– Never remember what you can afford to forget (or can ‘look up’ later)
– Never say never, and always avoid always.
– If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
– Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.
– “Intelligent” is a term used to describe someone who agrees with you.
– Have you ever thought that life is a car wash, and you’re on a bike?
– If you’re trying to make your mark in the world, watch out for the guys with erasers.
– Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine
– Alarm clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.
– God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
– Abundance: Big party held in a bakery.
– All general statements are false, except this one.
– As you sew, so shall you rip
– Backing Up Drive C:…<beep>…<beep>…<beep>…<beep>..

– I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you..
– I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
– I’ve learned – that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
– I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
– I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.
– I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
– I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance…Same goes for true love.
– I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
– I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and less to do with how many.
– I’ve learned that some members of your family may not always be there for you, it may seem strange but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again…Families aren’t biological.
– I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
– I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
– I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
– I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
– I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other…And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they love each other.
– I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
– I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
– I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process
– I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of seconds by people who don’t even know you.
– I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
– I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
– I’ve learned that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon.
[Author unknown]

The best gifts to give:
To your friend, loyalty;
To your enemy, forgiveness;
To your boss, service;
To a child, a good example;
To your parents, gratitude and devotion;
To your mate, love and faithfulness;
To all men and women, charity.
[Author unknown]

A young man was at the end of his rope. Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer. “Lord, I can’t go on,” he said. “I have too heavy a cross to bear.”

The Lord replied, “My son, if you can’t bear its weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then, open that other door and pick out any cross you wish.

The man was filled with relief. “Thank you, Lord, ” he sighed, and did as he was told. Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible. Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall. “I’d like that one, Lord,” he whispered.

And the Lord replied, “My son, that is the cross you just brought in.”

When life’s problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with You may consider yourself far more fortunate than you imagined.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
There will always be sunshine after the rain.
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall,
But God’s always there to help through it all
[Received from Joe Olson]

Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Safe sex
Hospital food
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Government organization
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt head
Military intelligence
Software documentation
New classic
Sweet sorrow
“Now, then …”
Synthetic natural gas
Passive aggression
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Temporary tax increase
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Microsoft Works
[Forwarded by Danny Holland]

2 lbs. hamburger (browned and drained)
1 large onion (chopped)
2/3 cup Minute Rice (cooked according to package directions)
2 cups sliced potatoes
2 cups sliced carrots
1 (10 3/4 oz.) can tomato soup
1-1/2 cups hot water
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Use a 9 x 13 inch baking pan greased. Place in cooked rice and then layer carrots, onions and potatoes. Top with browned meat. Using a separate bowl, dilute soup with hot water and mix then pour over casserole and bake for 1 and 1/2 hours. Vegetables should be tender.

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.  Where there is hatred let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith….”
[St. Francis of Assisi]

Assuredly there is but one way in which to achieve what is not merely difficult but utterly against human nature: to love those who hate us, to repay their evil deeds with benefits, to return blessings for reproaches. It is that we remember not to consider men’s evil intention but to look upon the image of God in them, which cancels and effaces their transgressions, and with its beauty and dignity allures us to love and embrace them.  [John Calvin]

Work as if you were to live 100 years, Pray as if you were to die tomorrow.
[Benjamin Franklin]

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.  [Ann Landers]

Some people come into our lives and quickly go
Some people move our souls to dance
They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon
They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same

Happiness: Deep down within
Serenity: With each sunrise
Success: In each facet of your life
Friends: Close and caring
Love: That never ends
Knowledge: Of the grace and love of God.
Special memories: Of all the yesterdays
A bright today: With much to be thankful for
A path: That leads to beautiful tomorrow’s
Dreams: That do their best to come true
And appreciation: Of all the wonderful things about you!
[Received from Richard Bachman]

Guilt is concerned with the past. Worry is concerned about the future.
Contentment enjoys the present.

Others can stop you temporarily — you are the only one who can do it permanently.
[Zig Ziglar]

Consider the turtle.  He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
[Abraham Lincoln]

Sympathy sees and says, “I’m sorry.” Compassion sees and says, “I’ll help.”
[Cited in Bits & Pieces]

Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks.
[Phillips Brooks]

“Tact is the art of giving a person a shot in the arm without letting him feel the needle.   [Anonymous]

Whatever our hands touch…
We leave fingerprints.
On walls, on furniture,
On door knobs, dishes and books.
Smudges, showing we were there!

Oh Lord, please,
Wherever I go today…
Help me leave Heartprints..
Heartprints of compassion,
Understanding and love.
Heartprints of kindness
And genuine concern.

I shall go out today…To leave Heartprints…
And if someone should say…
“I felt your touch!”
May that one feeling be…Your loving touch,
Lord, Through me!
May my heart touch
my lonely neighbor, with a smile,
a worried mother, with peace,
a runaway child, with safety,
a homeless person, with warmth,
and my dear friends, with love.


I may never see tomorrow, there is no written guarantee,
and the things that happened yesterday, belong to history
I cannot predict the future, I cannot change the past,
I have just the precious present moments,
I must treat it as my last.

I must use this moment wisely for it soon will pass away,
and be lost forever,
as a part of yesterday
I must exercise the compassion
help the fallen to their fort,
Be a friend unto the friendless,
make an empty life complete.

The unkind things I do today may never be undone
and the friendships that I fail to win
may nevermore be won,
I may not have another chance on bended knees to pray,
and I thank God, with a humble heart
for giving me this day.
[Author Unknown]

What you are is God’s Gift to you. What you become is your gift to God.

If  GH    can stand for    P    as in    Hiccough
If  OUGH  can stand for    O    as in    Dough
If  PHTH  can stand for    T    as in    Phthisis
If  EIGH  can stand for    A    as in    Neighbor
If  TTE   can stand for    T    as in    Gazette
If  EAU   can stand for    O    as in    Plateau

Then the right way to spell POTATO should be:

Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cow steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.  [David T Gentry]

He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.  [Chinese proverb]

An apology is the Superglue of life: it can repair just about anything.

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
[W. M. Lewis]

Some men see things as they are and say why?
I dream things that never were and say why not?
[Robert Francis Kennedy]

When we feel we have nothing left to give
And we are sure that the song has ended
When our day seems over and the shadows fall
And the darkness of night has descended,

Where can we go to find the strength
To valiantly keep on trying,
Where can we find the hand that will dry
The tears that the heart is crying?

There’s but one place to go and that is to God
And, dropping all pretense and pride,
We can pour out our problems without restraint
And gain strength from Him at our side,

And together we stand at life’s crossroads
And view what we think is the end
But God has a much bigger vision
And He tells us it’s only a bend

For the road goes on and is smoother
And the “pause in the song” is a rest
And the part that’s unsung and unfinished
Is the sweetest and richest and best

So rest and relax and grow stronger
Let go and let God share your load
Your work is not finished or ended,
You’ve just come to a “bend in the road.”

Every day be thankful for what you have and who you are.

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings, I give thanks that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed against the morning light as long as possible, I give thanks that I can see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising, I give thanks that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned and tempers are short, my children are so loud, I give thanks for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced, I give thanks for the food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job often is monotonous, I give thanks for the opportunity to work. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest, I give thanks for life.
[Author Unknown]

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often.”

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again.”

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet? What reflection do others see when they look at you?
[Author Unknown]

Carry with You These Gifts of the Heart

Trust…that whatever happens, there is someone who will understand.
Honesty…the feeling that you never need to hold back.
Peace…in being accepted for who you really are.
Beauty…in outlook more than appearance.
Freedom…to be yourself, to change, and to grow.
Joy…in every day, in every memory, and in your hopes for the future.
Love…to last a lifetime, and even beyond.
[D.L. Riepl]

Items Needed: Toothpick, Rubber Band, Band-Aid, Pencil, Eraser,
Chewing Gum, Mint, Candy Kiss, and a Tea Bag.


TOOTHPICK: To remind you to pick out the good qualities in others.

RUBBER BAND: To remind you to be flexible, things might not always go the way you want, but it will work out.

BAND-AID: To remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone else’s.

PENCIL: To remind you to list your blessings everyday.

ERASER: To remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s OK.

CHEWING GUM: To remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything.

MINT: To remind you that you are worth a mint!

CANDY KISS: To remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug everyday.

TEA BAG: To remind you to relax daily and go over that list of blessings.

One day, a man went to visit a church. He arrived early, park his car, and got out. Another car pulled up near him, and the driver told him, I always park there. You took my place!”

The visitor went inside for Sunday School, found an empty seat, and sat down. A young lady from the church approached him and stated, That’s my seat! You took my place!”

The visitor was somewhat distressed by this rude welcome, but said nothing. After Sunday School, the visitor went into the church sanctuary and sat down. Another member walked up to him and said, “That’s where I always sit. You took my place!”

The visitor was even more troubled by this treatment, but still said nothing.

Later, as the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them, the visitor stood, and his appearance began to change.

Horrible scars became visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet. Someone from the congregation noticed him and called out, “What happened to you?”

The visitor replied, “I took your place.”
[Received from Tracy Pultorak]

On November 26, 1996 Dennis Pinto discovered he won $3 million in the lottery. Ironically, it turned out to be the saddest day of his life.

You’d think that winning the lottery would be one of life’s greatest joys. Not so for Dennis Pinto. On the day he won $3 million in California’s Super Lotto his wife died of ovarian cancer. She was only 31. As he handed the winning ticket to the store clerk he said somberly, “My wife just passed away.” What good will all that money do for Dennis if he has no one with whom to share it? $3 million… but his wife is dead.

An even better question to ask ourselves is, “What if we enjoy a comfortable life on earth but spend an eternity separated from the Lord of life?” Jesus says, “The man who wants to save his life will lose it; but the man who loses his life for my sake will find it.”
“What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?”

I want you to take a long hard look at the priorities of your life and ask yourself this question: “Am I living for myself or for what lasts forever — a relationship with the living God?” As Paul says in 2 Timothy, “Don’t put your hope in wealth which is so uncertain, but put (your) hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.”
[Jim Clark]

Since all-night talker Larry King had heart surgery, he has received letters and gifts. No letter has affected him as much as one he received Monday. With a Bible was the following message, dated December 31: “Dear Larry, I’m so glad to hear that everything went well with your surgery. I want you to know that God was watching over you every minute, and even though I know you question that, I also know that one day it will be revealed to you. My prayer is that you remain open and God will touch your life as He has mine. Once I was a disbeliever. When I could not fill my life with basketball, I would simply substitute sex, liquid drugs, or material things to feed my internal shell-like appearance. I was never satisfied. I have finally realized after 40 years that Jesus Christ is in me. He will reveal
His truth to you, Larry, because He lives.” It was signed by Pete Maravich. Tuesday, Maravich, former college basketball and NBA luminary, died. [The Toledo Blade]

“Of course you have to work hard to offend Christians. By nature Christians are the most forgiving, understanding and thoughtful group of people I’ve ever dealt with. They never assume the worst at the get-go, they appreciate the importance of having different perspectives, they’re slow to anger, quick to forgive and almost never make rash judgments or act in anything less than a spirit of total love.

“No, wait — I’m thinking of Labrador retrievers.”

Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship. [Benjamin Franklin]

Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof. [Kahil Gibran]

The means by which we live have outdistanced the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.  [Martin Luther King Jr.]

Train your child in the way in which you know you should have gone yourself.
[Charles H. Spurgeon]

At 60 degrees above zero on the Fahrenheit scale, people from New Jersey turn on their heat. People in Michigan plant gardens.

At 50 above, Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Michigan sunbathe.

At 40 above, European cars won’t start. People in Michigan drive with their windows down.

At 32 above, distilled water freezes. Lake Superior’s water turns thicker.

At 20 above Floridians don winter coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

At 15 above, Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Michigan have the last cookout before it turns cold.

At 0, people in Miami die. People in Michigan lick the flagpole.

At 40 below, Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Michigan sell cookies door to door.

At 60 below, polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic. Michigan Boy Scouts postpone “winter survival” classes until it gets cold enough.

At 80 below, Mount St. Helens freezes. People in Michigan rent some videos.

At 100 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Michigan get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.

At 297 below, microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Michigan complain about farmers with cold hands.

At 460 below, all atomic motion stops — absolute zero on the Kelvin scale. People in Michigan start cheerily asking, “Cold enough for you?”

At 500 below, Hell freezes over. The Lions win the Super Bowl.
[Received from Bill Bishop]

The meaning of earthly existence lies, not as we have grown used to thinking, in prospering, but in the development of the soul. [Alexander Solzhenitsyn]

People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but People will never forget how you made them feel. [Unknown]

Reputation is what you are in the light; character is what you are in the dark.  [Unknown]

“Tell me, and I’ll forget. Show me, and I’ll remember. Involve me, and I’ll learn.
[Marla Jones]

The teacher of a geography class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes, the teacher asked: “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, little Johnny finally said: “I guess you’d be eating alone!”

Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blue prints of your ultimate accomplishments. [Napoleon Hill]

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world. Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. [Tom Bodett]

I’ve seen the light
And it’s in you,
In everything you are
And in everything you do.
It’s a perfect light
That shines for all to see.
It radiates from you
And has pierced the heart of me.
The light is from a friend.
It’s a light that keeps me warm.
It lets me know how loved I am,
And keeps me safe from harm.
To you my friend I am thankful,
In each and every way.
For you lift my spirits up,
With every passing day.
To know that you are there for me,
It makes me feel alive.
Because it is your friendship’s light,
Upon which my love thrives.
So thank you isn’t good enough,
They are the only words I know.
It is your light of friendship,
That gives my world it’s glow.
Thanks for sharing your light with me.
For it is the simple things in life that
Are truly unforgettable.
[Author unknown]

P.T. Barnum, founder of one of America’s most popular early circuses, succeeded in spite of many failures and setbacks throughout his life. Barnum left school at the age of eight to help out in his father’s store. When Barnum’s father died a few years later, the boy took over the store and opened a number of other businesses. By age 20, the young man had made quite a success of his enterprises. But in his 50s, Barnum entered into a business deal with a swindler who ran off with all their money, leaving Barnum $500,000 in debt. He spent ten years laboring to pay back his creditors.

Then, all of Barnum’s business enterprises failed. Rather than give up, he decided to open a museum of oddities. When the museum burned down, leaving Barnum in debt again, he started a traveling circus show. Soon, Barnum’s circus was famous throughout the nation. [King Duncan]

The four surefire rules for success: Show up, Pay attention, Ask questions, Don’t quit.
[Rob Gilbert, Ph.D.]

Goals are dreams with deadlines. They will keep your focus on your passion and keep your passion focused  [Nancy Anderson]

When you are tempted to “shade” the truth, distort the facts, or pass along some “juicy” gossip or even your own criticism, apply the THINK test. That’s an acronym for five questions to ask yourself about something you might say about another. Those five questions are: “Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?
[Alan Redpath–Delivered by Ken Larson]

If a man is honest with others and with himself
If he receives gratefully and gives quietly
If he is gentle enough to feel and strong enough to show his feelings
If he is slow to see the faults of others but quick to discover their goodness
If he is cheerful in difficult times and modest in success
If  he does his best to be true to his beliefs
Then he is truly an admirable man
[Author unknown]

– Flies or bees bothering you? Spray them with hair spray and they will take a quick dive.
– Sealed envelope? Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.
– Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords in. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.
– For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: Get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won’t refreeze.
– Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes of with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
– Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) — rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
– Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads, I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throw away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. And now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get sharpened this way!
– Opening brand new jars can be a feat in itself. Well, I have found a way to make it the easiest thing to do. Instead of banging a jar of jam, pickles, etc., with a knife until it loosens up, I simply reach into the drawer and pull out the handy nutcracker. It adjusts to the size of the jar and I simply give it a good twist and off pops the lid!
– Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time!
– Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don’t wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
– Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
– Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
– Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
– To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
[Received from Gene Besh]

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat.  He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?”
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa,
but you haven’t spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.
12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.
13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
20. You disconnect from the internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
21. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.
22. You wake up at 2am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your way back to bed.
23.You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
24. You’re reading this.
25. Even worse; you’re going to forward it to someone else!
[Received from Jan Larson]

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
[Hubert H. Humphrey]

Teach your heart to keep what your tongue teaches others.  [Abba Poemen]

The strength of a man isn’t seen in the width of his shoulders.
…It’s seen in the width of his arms that circle you.

The strength of a man isn’t in the deep tone of his voice.
…It’s in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn’t how many buddies he has.
…It’s how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn’t in how respected he is at work.
…It’s in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn’t in how hard he hits.
…It’s in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn’t in the hair on his chest.
…It’s in his Heart…that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn’t how many women he`s loved.
…It’s in how he can be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn’t in the weight he can lift.
…It’s in the burdens he can carry.

> This is pretty neat how it works out. This is cool chocolate math!!!!!!!
> It only takes about a minute…….Work this out as you read.
> Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked it out!
> This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s fun.
> 1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like
> to have chocolate. (try for more than once but less than 10)
> 2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)
> 3. Add 5. (for Sunday)
> 4. Multiply it by 50 (being a bit stupid)
> I’ll wait while you get the calculator…………….
> 5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1751….
> If you haven’t, add 1750 ……….
> 6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. (if you
> remember)
> You should have a three digit number …..
> The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many
> times you want to have chocolate each week).
> The next two numbers are your age.

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. [William James]

I can’t give solutions to all of life’s problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.

I can’t change your past with all it’s heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories. But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can’t keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine; Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.

I can’t prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me. I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can’t give you boundaries which I have determined for you, But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

I can’t keep your heart from breaking and hurting, but I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.

I can’t tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.
[Author unknown]

If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself.
[Dwight L. Moody]

Silence can be an answer.

Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an over-dose of fluoride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a steroid-free fitness center.

[Winning sentence, 1990 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest]

Color my heart red when you are near,
because to me you are so very dear.

When you are far away my heart turns blue,
because I sure do miss you.

Color my heart a bright yellow on a cloudy day,
because you have a way of chasing all my cares away.

Color it purple because your trust and loyalty,
Has made me feel like royalty.

Color it green like the promise of spring,
For all the love and laughter our friendship will bring.
[Author unknown–Received from Joy Asashon]

The brook would lose its song if the rocks were removed. [Author unknown]

Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
[Margaret Lee Runbeck]

On the very first day, God created the cow.  He said to the cow, “Today I have created you!  As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long.  You will work all day under the sun!  I will give you a a life span of 50 years.”

The cow objected, “What?  This kind of  a tough life you want me to live for 50 years?  Let me have 20 years, and the 30 years I’ll give back to you..”  So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog.  God said to the dog, “You are suppose to do is sit all day by the door of your house.  Any people that come in, you will have to bark at them!  I’ll give a life span of 20 years.”

The dog objected,  “What?  All day long to sit by the door?  No way! I give you back my other 10 years of life!”  So God agreed.

On the third day, God created the monkey.  He said to the monkey, “Monkeys have to entertain people.  You’ve got to make them laugh and do monkey tricks.  I’ll give you 20 years life span.”

The monkey objected.  “What?  Make them laugh?  Do monkey faces and tricks? Ten years will do, and the other 10 years I’ll give you back.”  So God agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man and said to him, “Your job is to sleep, eat, and play.  You will enjoy very much in your life.  All you need to do is to enjoy and do nothing.  This kind of life, I’ll give you a 20 year life span.”

The man objected.  “What?  Such a good life!  Eat, play sleep, do nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live only for 20 years? No way…Why don’t we make a deal?  Since the cow gave you back 30 years, and the dog gave you back 10 years and the monkey gave you back 10 years, I will take them from you!  That makes my life span 70 years, right?”  So God agreed.

AND THAT WHY…In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do nothing much.  For the next 30 years we work all day long, suffer and get to support the family.  For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey faces and monkey tricks.  And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit by the front door and bark at people!  [Received from Lezlie Besh]

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer.
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They’d laugh at me I’d fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book;
It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
“Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down…
But never found the time
[Received from Joy Asashon]


_\@)_       ___
/`\      .’ -,’-.__,@
/        |     `).-‘
_/       _\V^V^V^V/_
| /\     .=// ^.^ \\=.
/\ /     .’/| ._. |\’.
/ /-`.       _\___/_
|/\/\   _@-`   _  `<-@._
\  \.’  @-‘`\( `’-,@   ‘-.
\      ,    @    , _.-   `\
\   .’|    :    |` /’. _.’
`”`   \   :    / /`\_|  @
@_  _.’`””””””`’-\_\.–;`
`-.`      /,     `, .-‘
_.@–; .-‘| ‘. ;-._;@
.’     @’ _.’.  `@  \
|     _.-‘`    ‘-.    \
‘-._  `-._n_     )   |
`’-._ ) `-,.’   /
u-‘–;`@ .’
|  /
,\ /,
/   (
\_.. ‘._.@

Are Cheerios really bagel seeds?


Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Hope you enjoyed some of these insights—share them with your friends and colleagues—so we can have a larger ‘pool’ to receive from, and more to share with!

Also, remember to include your name as the “source,” if some of this wisdom is of your doing—I would like to give credit where credit is due!

“Peace be with you! As the Father has sent Me, I am sending you….Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.”  [John 20:21…Mark 16:15-16]


Disclaimer: All the above jokes & inspirations are obtained from various sources and copyright are used when known. Other than our name and headers, we do not own the copyright to any of the materials sent to this list. We just want to spread the ministry of God’s love and cheerfulness throughout the world.


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