## Summer|Father’s Day [v16]

JUNE 2000

GREETINGS — Most kids are getting a little “antsy” about getting out of school to start their summer vacation. I known Arielle and Tyler are—they “remind” me all the time and give me the “days till we’re out” update all the time (just to be sure, since I’m “old,” I don’t forget). They are excited to be “free” from the “daily drudgery” of school and be able to have fun when “they” want to. And that’s OK, but I think most of us know, or have experienced, that sometime about mid to late August, they will be “wanting” to go back to school. They’re “bored” because there isn’t “anything to do” or they don’t want to do the “fun things” they have been doing all summer, because they (or us parents) have “overdone” them. They are no longer “happy” or “satisfied.” So they think changing the “routine” will make them happy.

Isn’t that true of all of us? We are constantly “seeking” to be fulfilled, content, and happy. And in this search, we drive ourselves (and our family) to do more, in less time–increasing the “pressure” by “over-scheduling” and never having the time to reflect and just enjoy each others’ company. Some are driven for money and the apparent security it brings. Others are driven by the desire to be loved, or the quest for sexual satisfaction. Still others are driven by a hunger for success, fame, and significance. Such ambitions always lead to dissatisfaction.

Consider Mick Jagger, having lived now over 50 years, 30 of them in the “public eye”–most everyone’s dream. A few years ago, he completed the most successful world tour in the Rolling Stones’ history, grossing over $120 million, in less than a year. He is in the top hundred of Britain’s richest people–and one of the wealthiest members of the rock elite. He has four houses in Britain and the U.S. worth over$12 million. He is a friend of the rich, titled, famous, and even royalty. He is a grandfather, and has five children by three different women. His girlfriends have included some of the most “beautiful” women in the world. He has fame, money, and influence. Yet, his friend Keith Richards says, “99 of the male population of the Western world–and beyond–would give a limb to live the life of Jagger, to be Mick Jagger…and he’s not happy being Mick Jagger.” And that nearly 30 years after the Stones’ most defining moment in song, the one thing certain about Mick Jagger is that he is UNSATISFIED still.

To pursue something suggests that it is outside of us, that it is somewhere “out there” needing to be discovered or caught. But “true” happiness or “joy” does not come from without; it comes from within—it is not dependent on outward circumstances, but on an inner mind-set. It’s a choice, not a pursuit.

Consider what Victor Frankel, a Holocaust survivor said in his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning”:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

If we pursue happiness instead of choosing joy, we will become, as Frankel put it, a “plaything of circumstance.” Our inner peace will be tossed back and forth according to the whims of events beyond our control. But if we exercise our “right” to choose our attitude, we can choose joy even in the midst of the cruelest circumstances.

Many of us search desperately for “circumstances” that will make us happy, while others choose joy–“needing” virtually nothing to give them joy; that “create” their own joy; and that “choose” it now, making it a present reality. It’s not enough, however, to simply say, “I choose to be joyful”–we must set our minds on these things and “develop” this attitude.

Think of the mind as a bank that regularly receives deposits. By “depositing” true, honorable, pure, and lovely thoughts we build up an account that we can draw from, and that will constantly yield a high “dividend” of joy.

The apostle Paul, in his letter to the Phillipi church, urged “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” [Phil 4:6-7]

Jesus, just before being arrested, was preparing the disciples for His leaving and gave them this metaphor: “Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me…..If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you….I have told you this so that My joy be in you and that your joy may be complete.” [John 15:4-11]

Might I suggest that, after you consider the “evidence,” a personal relationship with Christ is the only way to “true satisfaction.” My hope is that you “receive” Him and that the above verses serve as your “emancipation proclamation,”–that just hearing the words will make you feel a fresh breeze of “contentment” blowing through your soul.

Blessings….
Mark

LIFE’S DEEP THOUGHTS (v16) for JUNE 2000
(NOTE: Please send your ‘thoughts’ to me at: mbesh@ameritech.net)

I am glad to organize and distribute more ‘stuff’ if y’all send it to me… Thank you’s to:

Lezlie Besh
Michelle Jones
Beth McMillan

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FATHER’S DAY

Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father’s Day

The idea for creating a day for children to honor their fathers, according to Charlene Murchison’s web site, began in Spokane, Washington. A woman by the name of Sonora Smart Dodd thought of the idea for Father’s Day while listening to a Mother’s Day sermon in 1909.

Having been raised by her father, William Jackson Smart, after her mother died, Sonora wanted her father to know how special he was to her. It was her father that made all the parental sacrifices and was, in the eyes of his daughter, a courageous, selfless, and loving man. Sonora’s father was born in June, so she chose to hold the first Father’s Day celebration in Spokane, Washington on the 19th of June, 1910.

In 1926, a National Father’s Day Committee was formed in New York City. Father’s Day was recognized by a Joint Resolution of Congress in 1956. In 1972, President Richard Nixon established a permanent national observance of Father’s Day to be held on the third Sunday of June. So Father’s Day was born in memory and gratitude by a daughter who thought that her father and all good fathers should be honored with a special day just like we honor our mothers on Mother’s Day.

The excerpt below is from the Silver Anniversary Book on Father’s day published in 1935. I would like to thank William Jackson Smart’s great granddaughter, Bonnie, for sharing this with me.

“This year, 1935, the Silver Anniversary of Fathers’ Day is being observed. Thirty-seven years ago, in the Big Bend hills of Washington, the day had its nativity in a lonely farm dwelling. There Sorrow ministered amid the moaning of the March winds.

A father sat with bowed head in his aloneness. About him clung his weeping children. The winds outside threw great scarfs of powdered snow against the window panes, when suddenly the last born tore himself from the group and rushed out into the storm calling for his mother. Yet even his baby voice could not penetrate the great silence that held this mother.

Hurriedly, the father gathered him back to his protection and for more than two decades, William Jackson Smart, alone, kept paternal vigilance over his motherless children.

This poignant experience in the life of Mrs. John Bruce Dodd of Spokane, Washington, who was then Sonora Louise Smart, was the inspiration for Fathers’ Day which materialized through the devotion of this father and the father of her own son, John Bruce Jr., born in 1909. Through the observance of the love and the sacrifice of fathers about her everywhere, her idea of Fathers’ Day crystallized in 1910, through a formal Fathers’ Day petition asking recognition of fatherhood.”

WHAT MAKES A DAD

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle’s flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it … Dad

[Author is unknown]

DADDY’S HAND

I remember daddy’s hands folded silently in prayer
And reachin’ out to hold me, when I had a nightmare
You could read quite a story in the callous’ and lines
Years of work and worry had left their mark behind

I remember daddy’s hands how they held my mama tight
And patted my back for something done right
There are things that I’d forgotten that I loved about the man
But I’ll always remember the love in daddy’s hands

Daddy’s hands were soft and kind when I was cryin’
Daddy’s hands were hard as steel when I’d done wrong
Daddy’s hands weren’t always gentle but I’ve come to understand
There was always love in daddy’s hands.

I remember daddy’s hands workin’ ’til they bled
Sacrificed unselfishly just to keep us all fed
If I could do things over, I’d live my life again
And never take for granted the love in daddy’s hands

[by Holly Dunn]

A GIFT KIDS CAN MAKE FOR DAD:

Fill a jar with Hersheys Hugs and Kisses.
Take one pair of new sports socks and one pair of gloves
(gardening gloves, work gloves, etc.)
Tack the socks together toe to toe.
This makes a pair of arms.
Tack one glove to the open end of each of the socks.
Now you have arms and hands.
Wrap the arms and hands around the jar a couple of times,
crossing the hands at the front and tack together.
Attach this poem:

DADDY,
If all these Kisses aren’t enough,
There’s two hands to help with garden stuff.
If all these hugs don’t work their charm,
There’s two arms to help keep you warm.
If this gift doesn’t show how much we care,
We have REAL hugs & kisses to share!

[Above from Charlene Murchison’s web site]

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MEMORIAL DAY

OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING FOR A VETERAN DIED TODAY.

HE WAS GETTING OLD AND PAUNCHY AND HIS HAIR WAS FALLING FAST,
AND HE SAT AROUND THE LEGION, TELLING STORIES OF THE PAST.
OF A WAR THAT HE HAD FOUGHT IN AND THE DEEDS THAT HE HAD DONE.
IN HIS EXPLOITS WITH HIS BUDDIES; THEY WERE HEROES, EVERYONE.
AND ‘THO SOMETIMES, TO HIS NEIGHBORS, HIS TALES BECAME A JOKE,
ALL HIS BUDDIES LISTENED, FOR THEY KNOW WHEREOF HE SPOKE.  BUT
WE’LL HEAR HIS TALES NO LONGER, FOR OL’ BOB HAS PASSED AWAY,
AND THE WORLD’S A LITTLE POORER, FOR A VETERAN DIED TODAY.

NO, HE WON’T BE MOURNED BY MANY, JUST HIS CHILDREN AND HIS WIFE,
FOR HE LIVED AN ORDINARY, VERY QUIET SORT OF LIFE.  HE HELD A
JOB AND RAISED FAMILY, QUIETLY GOING ON HIS WAY; AND THE WORLD
WON’T NOTE HIS PASSING, ‘THO A VETERAN DIED TODAY.

WHEN POLITICIANS LEAVE THIS EARTH, THEIR BODIES LIE IN STATE, WHILE THOUSANDS NOTE THEIR PASSING AND PROCLAIM THAT THEY WEREGREAT.  PAPERS TELL OF THEIR LIFE STORIES, FROM THE TIME THAT
THEY WERE YOUNG, BUT THE PASSING OF A VETERAN GOES UNNOTICED
AND UNSUNG.

THE POLITICIAN’S STIPEND AND THE STYLE IN WHICH HE LIVES, ARE
SOMETIMES DISPROPORTIONATE, TO THE SERVICE THAT HE GIVES.
WHILE THE ORDINARY VETERAN WHO OFFERED UP HIS ALL, IS PAID OFF
WITH A MEDAL AND PERHAPS A PENSION, SMALL.  IT’S SO EASY TO
FORGET THEM, FOR IT IS SO LONG AGO, THAT OUR BOBS AND JIMS AND
JOHNNYS, WENT TO BATTLE, BUT WE KNOW.  IT WAS NOT THE POLITICIANS,WITH THEIR COMPROMISE AND PLOYS, WHO WON FOR US THE FREEDOM, THAT OUR COUNTRY NOW ENJOYS.  SHOULD YOU FIND YOURSELF IN DANGER WITH YOUR ENEMIES AT HAND, WOULD YOU REALLY WANT A POLITICIAN, WITH THEIR EVER WAFFLING STAND?  OR WOULD YOU WANT A VETERAN, WHO HAS SWORN TO DEFEND, HIS HOME, HIS KIN AND COUNTRY, AND FIGHT UNTIL THE END?

HE WAS JUST A COMMON VETERAN AND HIS RANKS ARE GROWING THIN, BUT HIS PRESENCE SHOULD REMIND US, WE MAY NEED HIS LIKES AGAIN.  FOR WHEN COUNTRIES ARE IN CONFLICT, THEN WE FIND THE MILITARY’S PART, IS TO CLEAN UP ALL THE MESS, THE POLITICIANS START.

IF WE CANNOT DO HIM HONOR, WHILE HE’S HERE TO HEAR THE PRAISE,
THEN AT LEAST LET’S GIVE HIM HOMAGE, AT THE ENDING OF HIS DAYS.
PERHAPS JUST A SIMPLE HEADLINE, IN THE PAPER THAT MIGHT SAY:

OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING, FOR A VETERAN DIED TODAY

[Received from Michelle Jones]

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A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds.
He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God.

“God”, he said, “how long is a million years?”

God answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.”

The man asked, “God, how much is a million dollars?”

God answered, “To Me, it’s a penny.”

The man then asked, “God, can I have a penny?”

God answered, “In a minute.”

[Source unknown]

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT
(‘Billboard’ signs in front of churches)

– Make your ETERNAL reservations now—“smoking” or “non-smoking”? .
-Life is fragile…handle with prayer.
-We’re all invited to a heavenly feast but we must R.S.V.P.!
-But St. Peter–what about my civil rights?
-Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
-God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts”!
-God grades on the cross, not the curve.
-No Jesus, no peace; Know Jesus, know peace!
-God doesn’t want shares of your life, He wants controlling interest!
-His pain is your gain!
-WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning!
-GOD is like Hallmark cards: HE cared enough to send the very best.
-“Rapture– the only way to fly”!
-God gives every bird it’s food, but He does not throw it into its nest.
-Give Satan an inch and he’ll be a ruler.
-For all you do, His blood’s for you!
-T.G.I.F.—Thank God I’m Forgiven.
-Jesus, don’t leave earth without Him!
-Christ’s return is near– Don’t miss it for the world!
-Seven days without prayer makes one weak.
-Patience is a virtue which carries a lot of wait.
-WARNING! In case of rapture this car will be unmanned.
-If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.
-In the dark? Follow the Son
-Get Right or get Left!
-This is a Ch__ch. What is missing? ——->(UR)
-Try our Sundays. They’re better then Baskins-Robbins.
-Read the bible. It’s user-friendly plus we offer tech support here on Sundays
-GODISNOWHERE   (NOW read it again)
-If your bible is falling apart, chances are your life is staying together.
-God’s last name is not “Damn”.
-In case of nuclear attack–the ban on praying in school is lifted.
-Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long, and the pay is low, but the retirement benefits are out of this world.

[Received from Keith Todd]

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Worrying is like driving a car with
“one foot on the accelerator and the other foot on the brake.”

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MORE DAFFYNITIONS

Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s
Avoidable \uh-voy’-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do
Baloney \buh-lo’-nee\: Where some hemlines fall
Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage
Burglarize \bur’-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with
Control \kon-trol’\: A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
Eclipse \i-klips’\: what an English barber does for a living
Eyedropper \i’-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist
Heroes \hee’-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does
Left Bank \left’ bangk’\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot
Misty \mis’-tee\: How golfers create divots
Paradox \par’-u-doks\: two physicians
Parasites \par’-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
Pharmacist \farm’-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm
Polarize \po’-lur-ize\: what penguins see with
Primate \pri’-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV
Relief \ree-leef’\: what trees do in the spring
Rubberneck \rub’-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife
Seamstress \seem’-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six
Selfish \sel’-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does
Subdued \sub-dood’\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man
Sudafed \sood’-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official

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All the water in the world
However hard it tried,
Could never, never sink a ship
Unless it got inside.

All the hardships of this world,
Might wear you pretty thin,
But they won’t hurt you, one least bit
Unless you let them in.

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A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had
14 kids, but she doesn’t really care.

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A QUIZ

Name the ten wealthiest people in the world.
Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners.
Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest.
Name eight people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
How about the last ten Academy Award winners for best picture…
Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

With that in mind, here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

Think of three people you enjoy spending time with.
Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile.
Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time.
List a few teachers who have aided your journey through school.
Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The lesson? The people who make a difference in your life are not the
ones with the credentials, but the ones that care.

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GIVING….IS LIVING

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let us sow love;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is sadness, joy;
where there is darkness, light.

O Divine Master, grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled,
as to console;
not so much to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life.

[St. Francis of Assisi]

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The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement. Yet, almost no one gets the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone received the
encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond our wildest dreams.

[Sidney Madwed, American Poet and Philosopher]

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GARDENING: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

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There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played.
He never risked, he never tried,
He never sang or prayed.
And when one day he passed away
His insurance was denied.
For since he never really lived.
They claimed he never died!

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The first sign of old age is when you hear snap, crackle, and pop and it isn’t your cereal.

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“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”

“Sure,” a teenage boy replied.  “My father’s new car.”

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One thing I was taught at school is that double negatives are a complete no-no.

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The two most beautiful words in the English language are: “check enclosed”

[Dorothy Parker]

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ON GOING TO CHURCH

A Christian wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.

“I’ve gone for 30 years now,” he wrote, “and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me I can’t remember a single one of them. So I think I’m wasting my time . . . and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.”

This started a real controversy in the “Letters to the Editor” column, much to the delight of the editor.

It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

“I’ve been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall what the menu was for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: they all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me those meals, I would be dead today.”

No comments were made on the sermon contents anymore.

“The lips of the righteous nourish many . . . ” Proverbs 10:21a

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What is the staff God has put into your hand? Is it being a builder? Is it being an office worker? Is it being a doctor? Moses’ staff represented his vocation as a shepherd. God had something in mind for his vocation — to perform miracles. And awesome miracles He did! God turned the Nile River into blood with the touch of the staff. He turned the staff into a snake. He parted the Red Sea with it. These are just a few of the miracles God did with that staff.

When we yield our talents and abilities to the Lord, God can perform miracles through them. First, Moses had to yield what He had in his hand to God. It was only after this took place that God could use that staff. As long as he held onto it, God could not and would not perform miracles through it.

Until we come to this place with our Heavenly Father, we will fail to see miracles performed in our work. He delights in showing His power through us. When we become an open vessel, we can expect to see things happen.

Have you given your staff to the Lord? Offer it to Him and see what He might want to do through it. Your life will never be the same.

[Pastor Jeff and Janette Lilley]

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The Bread of Life needs no butter.

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DAFFYNITION:
A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

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A little boy was attending his first wedding.  After the service, his cousin asked him,  “How many women can a man marry?”

“Sixteen,”  the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. “How did you know that?”

“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: ‘Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer.’ ”

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If you want to stay youthful; stay useful

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YOU

No one is like you. Think what a remarkable, unduplicatable, and miraculous thing it is to be you.

Of all the people who have come and gone on the earth, since the beginning of time, not ONE of them is like YOU!

No one who has ever lived or is to come has had your combination of abilities, talents, appearance, friends, acquaintances, burdens, sorrows, opportunities. No one’s hair grows exactly the way yours does. No one’s fingerprints are like yours.  No one has the same combination of secret inside jokes and family expressions that you know.  The few people who laugh at all the same things you do, don’t sneeze the way you do.  No one prays about exactly the same concerns as you do.  No one is loved by the same combination of people that love you — NO ONE!

No one before, no one to come. You are absolutely unique. Enjoy that uniqueness. You do not have to pretend in order to seem more like someone else. You weren’t meant to be like someone else. You do not have to lie to conceal the parts of you that are not like what you see in anyone else. You were meant to be different. Nowhere ever in all of history will the same things be going on in anyone’s mind, soul and spirit as are going on in yours now.

If you did not exist there would be a hole in creation, a gap in history, something missing from the plan for human kind. Treasure your uniqueness. It is a gift given only to you.   Enjoy it! Share that uniqueness.

No one can reach out to others in the same way that you can.  No one can speak your words. No one can convey your meanings. No one can comfort with your kind of comfort.  No one can bring your kind of understanding to another person. No one can be cheerful and lighthearted and joyous in your way.  No one can smile your smile. No one else can bring the whole unique impact of you to another human being.

Share your uniqueness.  Let it be free to flow out among your family and friends and people you meet in the rush and clutter of living wherever you are. That gift of yourself was given you to enjoy but not hoard. Give yourself away. See the uniqueness around you in each person you meet.

SEE IT.  RECEIVE IT. LET IT TICKLE YOU! Let it inform you or nudge you or inspire you or comfort you. The collection of unique, irreplaceable beings around you now has never been available before and will not be in quite the same way again.

And so, — dear, special, irreplaceable person — receive the gift of yourself and others.  Notice the gift, enjoy it, celebrate it and be very, very thankful.

[Author unknown]

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NEED CHANGE? I HAVE A PARAIGMS
(Useful English System conversions/units)

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital: 1 I.V. League

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth mouthwash: 1 microscope

Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahurtz

Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:  bananosecond

A Half-Bath: 1 demijohn

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

Given the old adage “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,”
the first step of a one-mile journey: 1 Milwaukee

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

365.25 days: 1 unicycle

2200 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

1 million billion picolos: 1 gigolo

10 rations: 1 decoration

100 rations: 1 C-ration

10 millipedes: 1 centipede

3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent

10 monologs: 5 dialogs

5 dialogs: 1 decalog

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2 wharves: 1 paradox

100 Senators: Not 1 decision

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NAME FUNNIES…PART TWO

PROFESSION……………………………  NAME

Butcher’s daughter………………………..Patty
Bartender’s daughter……………………..Brandy
Moving company exec’s daughter…… .Cari
Counterfeiter’s son………………………..Bill
Museum curator’s son……………………Art
Book printer’s daughter………………….Paige
Trout fisher’s daughter…………………..Brook
Kindergarten teacher’s son……………. .Skip
Publisher’s daughter……………………..Mag
Woodworker’s daughter…………………Peg
Tennis player’s son……………………….Ace
Clothing manufacturer’s daughter……..Polly Esther
Teacher’s son………………………………Mark
Landscaper’s son………………………….Phil
Singer’s twin daughters………………….Harmony & Melody
Highway patrolman’s son………………..Chase
Lawyer’s daughter………………………..Sue
Thief’s son………………………………….Rob
Lawyer’s son……………………………….Will
Doctor ‘s son……………………………….Bill
Meteorologist’s daughter………………..Haley
Steam shovel operator’s son………….. Doug
Hair stylist’s son…………………………. Bob
Homeopathic doctor’s son…………….. Herb
Justice of the peace’s daughter……… .Mary
Sound stage technician’s son………..  .Mike
Hot-dog vendor’s son……………………Frank
Gambler’s daughter……………………..Bette
Exercise guru’s son……………………. Jim
Cattle thief’s son………………………. .Russell
Painter’s son…………………………… .Art
Iron worker’s son……………………….Rusty
TV show star’s daughter…………….. Emmy
Movie star’s son……………………….. Oscar
Barber’s son……………………………..Harry
Housewife’s son ………………………..Dusty
Minister’s daughter ……………………Faith
Day-trader’s daughter …………………Hope
Televangelist’s daughter ………………Charity
IRS agent’s daughter ………………….Mony
Geneticist’s son ………………………. Gene
Espresso vendor’s son ……………….Joe
Undertaker’s son ………………………Barry
Beautician’s son ……………………….Curly
Gardener’s son …………………………Moe
Florist’s daughter ……………………..Rose
Baker’s daughter ………………………Cookie
Manicurist’s son ……………………….Hans
Athlete’s son …………………………..Victor
Lumberjack’s son …………………….Glenn
Plumber’s son …………………………John
Accountant’s daughter ……………….Ira
Musician’s daughter ………………….Melody
Jeweler’s daughter ……………………Opal
Gastrointerologist’s daughter ………Fanny
Politician’s daughter …………………Patsy

[Mike Atkinson @ YOUTH SPECIALTIES]

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A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Looking stunned, He said, “What?”

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Keep your words sweet, you may have to eat them

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A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park.  Her mother was touched by the child’s kindness and gave her the required sum.

“There you are, my dear,” said the mother.  “But, tell me, isn’t the lady able to work any more?”

“Oh yes,” came the reply.  “She sells candy.”

*****************************
MERGERS v.2

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and
W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale-Mary-Fuller-Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge
to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.

John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere-Abi.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining
merge to become Zip-Audi-Do-Da.

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey-I’m-Home.

Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become
Mine-All-Mine.

Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED-UP.

3M, J.C.Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and
become 3-Penney-Opera.

Knott’s Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge
and become Knott-NOW!

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Average is just the best of the poorest and the poorest of the best.

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If we started each day with a smile
And erased every trace of our guile,
We just might be surprised
How the germ fertilized,
And the people who followed our style.

For a smile goes a very long way
In light’ning and bright’ning each day.
A smile’s truly a treasure,
And joy beyond measure.
And a smile doesn’t cost– it’ll pay.

[ Dave Wadley]

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The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

[Franklin D. Roosevelt]

*****************************
DO YOU HAVE TEENAGERS?

Late one Saturday evening, the ringing of my phone awakened me.  In a sleepy, grumpy voice, I said, “Hello.” The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into  a lengthy speech.

“Mom, this is Susan and I’m sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I’m going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad’s car has a flat but it’s not my fault. Honest! I don’t know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don’t be mad, okay?”

Since I don’t have any daughters, I knew the person had misdialed. “I’m sorry, dear, “I replied, “but I have to tell you you’ve reached the wrong number. I don’t have a daughter named Susan. In fact, I don’t have any daughter at all.”

A pause.

“Gosh, Mom,” came the young woman’s quivering voice, “I didn’t think you’d be this mad.”

*****************************
WORDS OF WISDOM

What isn’t tried won’t work.”
— Claude McDonald

“The greatest use of a life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.”
— William James

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”
— Parables,etc.

*****************************
My neighbor’s son joined the Navy to see the world and spent four years in a submarine.

*****************************
My employment search preoccupied our family for months.  One day my husband told our three boys that to make things easier for me, he had a list of jobs for them.  They were all silent until our six-year-old spoke up:  “When are the interviews?”

*****************************
“Peace comes not from the absence of conflict in life but from the ability to cope with it.” [Unknown]

“A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain.” [Mildred Witte Struven]

*****************************
BAKERY SLOGAN:
Say it with flours.

SIGN FOR A TIRE RETREADING BUSINESS:
Baldness cured.

SIGN ON A BUS:
Express yourself.

SIGN ON A BEAUTY SHOP:
For Easter, lettuce cut your hare.

*****************************
A LIVING SERMON

I’d rather see a Christian than hear one any day,
I’d rather have one walk with me than simply show the way,
The eye’s a better pupil and more willing than the ear,
Fine counsel is confusing but example’s always clear,
And the best of all the preachers are the ones who live their creed,
For to see the good in action–that’s what everybody needs.

I can soon learn how to do it if you’ll let me see it done,
I can watch your hand in action but your tongue too fast might run.
And the sermons you deliver may be very wise and true,
But I’d rather get my lessons by observing what you do,
For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give,
But there’s no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.

I’d rather see a Christian than hear one any day!”

*****************************
REGRET IS FOREVER

If I were given a wish or two,
I know exactly what I’d do.
Back in time, I would go,
to right a wrong of long ago.
I had a fight with my best friend,
said we’d reached the bitter end.
I misunderstood something said,
filled with rage, I wished her dead.
A few day later my wish came true,
I felt so alone and empty too.
She hadn’t deserved my attack,
I was really way off track.
Second chances are rarely given,
to apologize, we’re not driven.
So hold your tongue, keep it in,
or live to regret it again and again.

[P.G. Smith]

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Personality has the power to open doors, but character keeps them open.”

*****************************
God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called

*****************************
Give Satan an inch and he’ll be a ruler.

*****************************
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet.  Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

*****************************
The sun and the wind were arguing who’s power was greatest the wind proposed this test “See the man walking on that road the one who can take his cloak shall be determined most powerful.”  Since the wind devised the test he chose to go first.  He blew very hard but for all his bluster the man only clutched the cloak the tighter.

The sun was now offered his chance. The sun smiled down on the man and soon he began to grow warm by and by the man removed his cloak and sat down on a log to enjoy the sun.  When the man arose he forgot that he had left his cloak lying on the log and happily continued on his way.

Moral: Adversity makes one more determined to hold to what protection he has while prosperity can easily loosen his grip.

*****************************
In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.  Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,

“Johnny what is the matter?”

Little Johnny responded,

“I have a pain in my side.  I think I’m going to have a wife.”

*****************************
One day a father and his rich family took his young son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night at the farm of a very poor family. When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, “How was the trip?”

“Very good, dad.”

“Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked.

“Yeah.”

“And what did you learn?”

The son answered, “I saw that we have a dog at home and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have the whole horizon.

When the little boy was finished, his father was speechless. His son added, “Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.”

Isn’t it true it all depends on the way you look at things? If you have love, friends, family, health, good humor and a positive attitude towards life
you’ve got everything….You can’t buy any of these things. You can have all the material possessions you can imagine, provisions for the future, etc., but if you are poor of spirit, you have nothing……..

[Received from Beth McMillan]

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed.  She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.  “I can’t, dear, “she said, “I have to sleep with your Daddy.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”

[Received from Lezlie Besh]

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GOOD AIM

“I’m ashamed of you.” the mother said. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!”  “He threw a rock at me!” “So I threw one at him.”  The mother stated emphatically, “When we threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.”  The boy quickly replied, “What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours.”

*****************************
WE GO THIS WAY BUT ONCE

We go this way but once, O heart of mine,
So why not make the journey well worthwhile,
Giving to those who travel on with us
A helping hand, a word of cheer, a smile?

We go this way but once, Ah! Never more
Can we go back along the selfsame way,
To get more out of life, undo the wrongs,
Or speak love’s words we knew, but did not say?

We go this way but once. Then let us make
The road we travel blossomy and sweet
With helpful, kindly deeds and tender words,
Smoothing the path of bruised and stumbling feet.

[Author Unknown]

*****************************
Kindness is difficult to give away ’cause it keeps coming back.

[Jeff and Janette Lilley]

*****************************
Tell me and I’ll forget.
Show me, and I may not remember.
Involve me, and I’ll understand.

*****************************
INSPIRATIONAL RECIPES

A Family Pie:

Add:
1 handful of FORGIVENESS
1 heaping cupful of LOVE
1 pound of UNSELFISHNESS
2 tablespoons of GOOD NATURE

Mix: Together smoothly with complete FAITH in GOD. Then sprinkle generously with THOUGHTFULNESS…This makes a wonderful Family Pie….Enjoy !!

+++++++++++++++++++++

A Happy Child:

1/2t. care
1 C. kindness
2 C. security
2 T. safety
1 C. love
2 C. loving parents
1 C. religion

Boil together with care, kindness, security, safety, love, loving parents and religion. Keep hot at all times, never let get warm. Mix thoroughly. Bake forever.

Makes one happy child.

*****************************
MAY YOU HAVE….

Enough happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong.
Enough sorrow to keep you human.
Enough hope to keep you happy.
Enough failure to keep you humble.
Enough success to keep you eager.
Enough friends to give you comfort.
Enough wealth to meet your needs.
Enough enthusiasm to look forward.
Enough faith to banish doubts.
Enough determination to make each day better than yesterday.

[Author unknown]

*****************************
Larry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Bill Johnson, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Larry, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, “Hey Dr. Johnson…Is dat you? Come over here a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Larry was working on a car. Larry in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, “So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?”

Johnson, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Larry, “Try doing your work with the engine running.”

*****************************
“I’m a walking economy.”

“How so?”

“My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!”

*****************************
IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE OVER AGAIN

I’d finger paint more and point the finger less,
I’d do less correcting and do more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes,
I would care to know less, and know to care more.

I’d rake more hikes and fly more kites,
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I’d run through more fields, and gaze at more stars,
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I would be firm less often, and affirm more often,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

[Duane Loomans]

*****************************
Worry is the darkroom in which ‘negatives’ are developed.

*****************************
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.

[Henry Ward Beecher]

*****************************
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.

[Jim Elliot]

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Hope you enjoyed some of these insights—share them with your friends and colleagues—so we can have a larger ‘pool’ to receive from, and more to share with!

Also, remember to include your name as the “source,” if some of this wisdom is of your doing—I would like to give credit where credit is due!

I wish you the peace and contentment that Jesus promised by saying: “I am the gate; whoever enters through Me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Mark
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