“I Love You” [v109]

MARCH 2008

“I LOVE YOU”—I just heard a statistic that a few weeks ago, there were OVER 1 BILLION (yes, with a “B”) Valentines “cards” exchanged!!! (This was only exceeded by Christmas, and followed in order by Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and St. Patrick’s Day).

The notion of love seems to dominate much of our popular culture today. We shop for gifts, plan romantic get-aways, and, of course, purchase/send “cards” with our cherished one in mind. A lot of the sit-coms try to tell us the best ways the ‘show’ love (though most of the time it has something to do with sex), and the manufacturers are always trying to convince us with their ads that giving their product expresses love.

People talk about love, but I believe few have a clear idea of what it really is. Here’s a few Valentines I found on the Internet:

“Love is missing someone whenever you’re apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you’re close in heart” [Kay Knudsen]

“The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it.  You and you alone make me feel that I am alive.  Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough”  [George Moore]

“Be my Valentine, for I
Each day have thought of you.
My whole life couldn’t manage what
Your ready smile can do,
Vanquishing my loneliness
As though all light were new.
Let me be your Valentine
Even as you’re mine,
Needing what I have to give
That each might each define
In friendship and in harmony,
Now you, now I the melody,
Each helping each to shine.”
[Giovanni Bassano]

“My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We’ll lock them up together,
And throw away the key.”
[Frederick Saunders]

“Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile”
[Sean Connery].

“One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again”
[Judith Viorst].

“Trip over love, you can get up.  Fall in love and you fall forever”  [Author unknown].

So then, what’s love all about?—and why do we ‘desire’ it so?

I think if we were honest with ourselves, most of us would say that our greatest ‘need’ is to be loved—with acceptance coming in a close second. However, most of the time in our culture, “love” is often linked to what we have done ‘right’ or ‘well’, rather than freely given and unrelated to performance.

Life lived on this type of performance ‘wheel’ becomes more of a chore than a motivation. The truth is, we cannot sustain the expectations of others very long.

I submit that love isn’t something we EARN—but a “GIFT” we give away freely without looking for anything in return. But is there more to it?

Periodically I still hear a #1 hit song that played on the radio in the early 80’s—“I Want To Know What Love Is” by the group Foreigner. It was their most successful single (and voted one of the top 100 songs of the ’80s).

The lyrics talk about how, in his life, “there’s been heartache and pain,” and he wants to “change this lonely life.” The chorus underlines his emotional ‘angst’, looking for a girl (written to his future wife, Ann Dexter-Jones) to sooth the ‘heartache’ of his recent divorce and subsequent loneliness:

“I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me”

But, after four-and-a-half minutes, the song ends without any answers—he was still searching. Well, maybe the “romantics” among us can tell us what love’s all about.

Romance novels try also to promote an ‘image’ of love. Millions of readers spend hours upon hours per week reading about fictitious people finding what they want more than anything in life—true love. A few older book title examples are “Anna Karenina,” “Gone With The Wind,” “Jane Eyre,” and “Romeo and Juliet.” A few of the best-sellers of 2008 are “Where The Heart Leads,” “Blood Brothers,” “Dawn’s Awakening,” “White Lies,” “Sizzle and Burn,” “Treasures,” and “Dream Chaser.” Considering that in1991, this genre comprised 46% of all mass-market paperbacks sold in the U.S. (“I’m Hungry, But Not For Food,” Forbes, June 6, 1992), and by 2004 it was up to 55% with over 64 million readers annually, this seems to be a much sought-after ‘source’ of what love’s all about. But, studies of women cite that they admit to reading romance novels as an antidote to stress and for mental escape.

Finding true love has been turned into a type of quest for many people that amounts to looking for the Holy Grail (as it evidently has turned into for me). Whole industries prosper as they cater to both men and women providing them with various products and services that will help them find the “love of their life.” Television shows and movies relentlessly promote this concept of “finding love” through their characters. A few popular movies of the last few decades (not to leave anyone out) depicting love are:

– Casablanca
– Gone With the Wind
– Doctor Zhivago
– The Way We Were
– An American In Paris
– Romeo and Juliet
– Love Story
– Ghost
– Pretty Woman
– Sleepless in Seattle
– The Princess Bride
– Beauty and the Beast
– Sabrina
– A Walk to Remember
– My Big Fat Greek Wedding
– Titanic

Many other forms of entertainment have had an ‘influence’ on what love is all about—but probably not one more than the music industry. The vast majority of songs written and performed by all genres of musicians have the predominant theme of needing love, finding love, or losing love. Indeed, if “love makes the world go around,” then the music industry has certainly tapped into the ‘truth’ for sure.

In 2002, the “Recording Industry Association of America” and the “American Music Scene” published a list entitled the “Century’s Top 2,500 Songs.” Over half of the Top 50 talk directly to the subject of love (and many of the others had indirect references to it):

– I Can’t Stop Loving You (48)
– Heartbreak Hotel (47)
– Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me (44)
– She Loves You (43)
– Are You Lonesome Tonight? (41)
– Love Is Blue (40)
– Baby Love (39)
– Love Me Tender (36)
– My Girl (32)
– Since I Don’t Have You (31)
– I Love How You Love Me (30)
– I Will Always Love You (29)
– Can’t Help Falling In Love (27)
– Sea of Love (21)
– Every Breath You Take (18)
– You Light Up My Life (17)
– You Belong To Me (15)
– Endless Love (13)
– Everlasting Love (12)
– You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling (8)
– I Want To Hold Your Hand (7)
– Billie Jean (6)
– Don’t Be Cruel (5)
– Unchained Melody (4)
– Cherish (2)
– Yesterday (1)

(Note: “I Want To Know What Love Is” was #507)

Here’s a sampling of the lyrics from some of the most popular recording artists of the past three decades that will give you an idea of their ‘focus’ of love:

“Love me tender,
Love me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.

Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin I love you,
And I always will.

Love me tender,
Love me long,
Take me to your heart.
For its there that I belong,
And well never part.

Love me tender,
Love me dear,
Tell me you are mine.
I’ll be yours through all the years,
Till the end of time.

(when at last my dreams come true
Darling this I know
Happiness will follow you
Everywhere you go).”
[Elvis Presley]

“I love you for sentimental reasons
I hope you do believe me
I’ll give you my heart

I love you
And you alone were meant for me
Please give your loving heart to me
And say we’ll never part

I think of you every morning
Dream of you every night
Darling I’m never lonely
Whenever you’re in sight

I love you for sentimental reasons
I hope you do believe me
I’ve given you my heart

I think of you every morning
Dream of you every night
Darling I’m never lonely
Whenever you’re in sight

I love you for sentimental reasons
I hope you do believe me
I’ve given you my heart
[Linda Ronstadt]

I could lose my heart tonight,
If you don’t turn and walk away
Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
Cause I could take you in my arms,
And never let you go
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you

I could only wonder how
Touching you would make you feel
But if I take that chance right now,
Tomorrow will you want me still?
(baby will you want me?)
So I should keep this to myself,
And never let you know
I could fall in love with you
(I could fall in love with you)
I could fall in love with you

And I know it’s not right,
And I guess I should try
To do what I should do
But I could fall in love,

Fall in love, with you
I could fall in love with you

I’m always dreaming of you
Kissing my lips, caressing my skin
Hugging me with crazy longings
Imagining that you love me
The way that I could love you

So I should keep this to myself,
And never let you know
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love, (fall in love)
I could fall in love, (fall in love) with you
I could fall in love with you.
[Selena]

Look into my eyes – you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart – search your soul
And when you find me there you’ll search no more

Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
You can’t tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for
You know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you

Look into your heart – you will find
There’s nothin’ there to hide
Take me as I am – take my life
I would give it all – I would sacrifice

Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for
I can’t help it – there’s nothin’ I want more
Ya know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you

There’s no love – like your love
And no other – could give more love
There’s nowhere – unless you’re there
All the time – all the way

Oh – you can’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
I can’t help it – there’s nothin’ I want more
I would fight for you – I’d lie for you
Walk the wire for you – ya I’d die for you

Ya know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you
[Bryan Adams]

Sentiments like these are primarily directed at young people desperate for love and looking for any ‘signal’ from the person they are infatuated with as a sign that they are interested. Receiving a note that was signed, “love, so and so”, was like receiving an answer written in the sky. There is nothing better than knowing (or thinking) that someone loves you. It is truly incredible what power those four letters hold. There really is great power in love. Here’s how some of the great writers tried to define it:

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
[Robert Frost]

“Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.”
[Leo Buscaglia]

” ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”
[Tennyson]

“Life is a flower of which love is the honey.”
[Victor Hugo]

Be my Valentine: What does that mean?
Each of us must walk through life alone,
More deeply desolate than we have known,
Yearning for a truth we’ve never seen.
Valentines are from beyond that dream,
Are like a sunrise on a world of stone.
Little on this journey can we own
Except as miracles might intervene.
No way but through loving might we give
The freedom of our being to another.
In such a sacrifice we hope to live
No longer bound by dreams of flesh and bone,
Even as we bind our lives together.
[G. F. Handel]

Be my Valentine, my love,
As I will be for you,
And we will love the whole day long,
And love our whole lives through.

For love has no parameters
And does not end with time,
But is the gift of paradise,
A pinch of the sublime.
So let us take this holiday
To resubmit our love
To those within that know no sin
And with the angels move.
[Cornelius Lyons]

Women, and to a lesser degree men, need to hear the words “I love you” pretty much on a daily basis (Babies, it seems, need it on an hourly basis—yes, even little boys). Those suffering through the loss of anyone close to their heart need to hear the words, “I love you” more than any other words on earth—and everyone of us ‘melts’ when we hear from someone close to us say the three greatest words in any language, “I love you.”

So, we all need to see it; need to hear it; and need to express it. But it’s still a bit ‘nebulous’ to me…

Maybe looking at what ‘kind’ of love one is talking about might help out. When we say things like, “I love my spouse,” or “I love pizza,” or “I love ________” (fill in the blank), it’s sometimes hard to know exactly what a person means.

“Expressions of love may include the love for a “soul” or mind, the love of laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love of food, love of money, love for learning, love of power, love of fame, love for the respect of others, etcetera. Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive. According to many philosophers, the only goal of life is to be happy—and there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. Love is essentially an abstract concept—much easier to experience than to explain” [Wikipedia].

I’d ‘love’ to express my feelings for you by giving you a hug (or a kiss to some of you) across the Internet [sadly, that’s not planned to be available until “Web 3.0,” and “Web 2.0” isn’t fully functional as of now :-) ], so I guess I’m going to have to use language to do it.

Regrettably, the English language isn’t as ‘deep’ as some of the more ancient ones, and is a little ambiguous when talking about love. The Greek language, for example, is a bit more specific (and easier to explain).

They have four specific words to depict ‘levels’ or intensity of love—eros, phileo, storge, and agape.

Eros is a passionate physical love based on physical appearance—we get our word erotic from this.

Phileo is a tender affection, a ‘friendly’ kind of love (Philadelphia means the city of “brotherly love”).

Storge is an affectionate love that develops slowly and is based on similarity—like the love you have for your family members, or a child-to-parent affection.

Agape is a selfless, unconditional, and altruistic love. Thomas Jay Oord has defined it as “an intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being.” This is an active, volitional love, not an emotion—the ‘key’ to all healthy relationships.

(Don’t you wish we had words like these in the English language?—well, I guess we have adjectives like infatuation/affection, friendship/kinship, passionate/intimate, and unconditional/altruistic).

Okay then, what’s “real love” all about? Here’s a great story, told by a nurse, that gave me a better idea about it while I was preparing this newsletter:

“It was a busy morning, about 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80’s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided since I was not busy with another patient that I would evaluate his wound. It had healed well, so I talked to one of the doctors and got the needed supplies to remove his stitches. While taking care of the wound we began a conversation.

I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment that morning as he was in such a hurry. He told me no, but that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired about her health. He told me that she had been in the nursing home for a while and that she had Alzheimer’s disease.

As we talked, I asked him if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was and that she had not recognized him in five years. I was surprised, and asked him why he was still going every morning to visit his wife even though she didn’t know who he is.

He smiled and patted my hand and said, ‘She doesn’t know me but I still know who she is.’

I tried to hold back tears as he left—I had goose bumps on my arm—and I thought to myself, ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life.’ ”

Now, maybe I’m getting a little closer to finding out what love is all about—and it definitely goes WAY BEYOND JUST ROMANCE.

So, defining ‘true love’ is a bit more complex than I thought, but it is definitely more than a feeling. Whether or not thinking about someone causes a warm ‘sensation’ inside is immaterial—because feelings are fickle, and they can easily change when the other person does something unpleasant or when another stronger emotion replaces the first.

Unconditional love (agape), on the other hand, is a ‘decision’—without expecting anything in return. There are no strings attached and no ‘fine print’—no “if’s,” “when’s,” or “unless’s.” It is committed to another’s BEST INTEREST.

Can anyone of us do this all the time? (I know I can’t). Are there any ‘examples’ of this kind of love being expressed so we can all learn how to do it?

Well, there’s another holiday coming up this month that just might give us some ‘insight’ into all this. It’s not necessarily known as a “love” holiday, but I think it’s the ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF LOVE ever shown to mankind—EASTER—when God sent His only Son, Jesus, to die on a cross; to become the ‘sin sacrifice’ for all sins, in all its forms, ever committed by all humans throughout history; to pay the enormous ‘penalty’ for those sins; then to be resurrected by God to show us that Jesus’ sacrifice was sufficient, that we now could have a ‘restored’ relationship with God here on earth, that we have been completely forgiven with no ‘strings’ attached, and ‘qualify’ for Heaven! I don’t know of any language that can sufficiently describe that kind of “LOVE”—but I read a story that help me understand it a little better:

In another country a long time ago, there is a very tough penalty for stealing, as a matter of fact, they would cut your hand off. Now one particular judge was meticulous and consistent in applying the law and in his sentencing. No one could bribe or intimidate him. He treated everybody the same regardless of their status. If you were in his court and convicted of stealing, you were sure to get justice and you were going to lose a hand. One day an old woman was brought into his court and after the testimony of a couple of eyewitnesses, she admitted her guilt.

Everyone waited with bated breath for sentencing because they all knew that this woman was the judge’s mother. Would he be lenient because of the love of a son for his mother? Or would he be just in applying the law? Well, everyone was stunned when they heard him announce the penalty, the removal of a hand. Then something even more shocking took place. He left his place of authority, he threw his arms around his mother, told her how much he loved her, and then he had his own hand cut off instead of hers.

This story illustrates the possibility of an excruciating merger of love and justice. The judge was unwaveringly committed to justice and to upholding the law, yet at the same time he demonstrated the depth of his love for his mother by making the supreme personal sacrifice.

Some people think that Jesus came to this earth simply to provide us with a good example of how we ought to live our lives. But, if that’s all he did, he actually made our problem worse. It’s hard enough to follow the Ten Commandments, and now we have to follow the examples and teachings of Jesus just to qualify for Heaven? It’s impossible! It’s like throwing a drowning man a boulder and saying, “Here, maybe this’ll help!”

Fortunately, Jesus actually paid the penalty for us that we should have had to pay.

How could one man pay the penalty for billions of people, all mankind? One man couldn’t, but the “GOD MAN,” Jesus, could. The Bible tells us that Jesus, as God, actually created our world and all of us. So, what we have here is the Creator coming to planet earth some 2000 years ago sacrificing His life, giving His life in exchange for us creatures that He loves. He made up the rules that we’ve all broken, then, because He loves us, He humbled Himself and came here to suffer the ultimate punishment in our place. God himself could, and did, pay the penalty.

To me, the CROSS represents a LOVE STORY infinitely deeper than any poem, movie, or romance novel. The cross represents the indescribable and undeniable love of God. Jesus loved us enough to humble Himself and obediently sacrifice His life for our sins. God loved us enough to accept the sacrifice of His son, as the payment for our sins. Mankind was doomed to eternal separation from God if not for the love shown on the cross.

I believe that, without the super abounding love of God and the sacrificial love of Jesus, we wouldn’t know ‘how’ to love. Though, I for one believe that God has ‘built into humans’ a special kind of love that no other animal has, we sometimes ‘stray’ from what we know is good, right, wonderful, beautiful and precious—and that’s why Jesus came to this earth—to ‘remind’ us of ‘how’ to love, and that He still loves every one of us dearly.

So, to me, more than anything else, the story of the cross is a love story (and some say the Bible is God’s “love letter” to humankind—written directly to each one of us!). It conveys the GREATEST DISPLAY OF LOVE ever shown, one that is FREE to all who ‘receive’ it, and ‘PREPARES’ us to live in a place where there are no tears, no sorrow, no sadness, and no death—forever!

The following hymn, written by Isaac Watts in 1704, is a very powerful ‘capsulation’ of Jesus’ love for us:

When I survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of Glory died;
my richest gain I count but loss,
and pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
save in the death of Christ, my Lord;
all the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to his blood.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were an offering far too small;
love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all.

Isaac Watts understood the immensity of the Crucifixion—and its ‘demands’. The most amazing love ever is offered to all humankind—in Jesus’ DEATH we can find ‘LIFE’, if we just ‘receive’ it.

The Bible says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” [John 15:13]—and there is no greater love than what Jesus did for us on the cross.  He laid down His life so that all would have the opportunity to be clean, pure and blameless before God the Father—so that we can spend eternity with Him.

To show love and ‘give our lives away’ is absolutely the best thing we can do for one other, but there is no greater or perfect love than God sending His Son to die for us.

There are people who spend a lifetime searching for love but have never experienced it because they fail to realize it has been available to them all along. Many times, God ‘allows’ the consequences of our sin to catch up with us so He can gain our attention and bring us to the point of confession—where we cry out for His forgiveness—and He gives us much more than that!

The way I understand it, God would like our life’s priority to be what Jesus succinctly said shortly before He left this earth: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” [John 13:34-35].

Just think about what gives you the most optimism in your life, especially during time of difficulty and suffering—when you truly ‘comprehend’ someone else’s love. It makes no difference how dark your circumstances are at the time, their love invigorates you and ‘breeds’ expectancy in your life. We are all have a special ‘something’ in us through which God can pour out His supernatural love to a world hungry for ‘real’ love.

“For God so loved the world,
that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in Him
should not perish,
but have everlasting life.”
[John 3:16]

Life lived apart from God’s love is empty and meaningless. Without that key element, no matter how gifted, intelligent, or powerful one is, you will continue to fight feelings of shame, loneliness, defeat, and frustration. There is only one solution, and that is to surrender your life to Jesus—and when you do, He will give you a profound awareness of his love filing and covering you.

If you haven’t encountered this kind of love, then all that remains is for you to trust in what Jesus has done for you on your behalf, so that you will be able to experience the growing ‘evidence’ throughout your life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control only available through a ‘personal relationship’ with Christ.

[Excerpts from: Bill Kraftson; Charles B. Hodge, Jr.; Jim Liebelt ]

(If you would like to further investigate what does it really meaning of “love,” visit the following link:
http://www.4VIS.com/sfm/sfm_pres/sp_q5_d4_1of10.html ).

Blessings…Mark

LIFE’S DEEP THOUGHTS (v109) for MARCH 2008
If you have a ‘neat’ story or some thoughts about an issue or current event that you would like me to try to respond to, I would be glad to give it a try…so, send them to me at: mbesh@comcast.net

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AMAZING LOVE
I’m forgiven because You were forsaken.
I’m accepted. You were condemned.
I’m alive and well, 
Your Spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love, how can it be
That you, my King would die for me?

Amazing love, I know it’s true:
It’s my joy to honor you.
In all I do I honor You.

You are my King.
You are my King.
Jesus,
You are my King.
Jesus,
You are my King.
[Billy James Foote]

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“When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving toward the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.”
[C. S. Lewis]

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O LOVE DIVINE
O Love divine, what hast thou done!
The immortal God hath died for me!
The Father’s co-eternal Son
Bore all my sins upon the tree.
Th’ immortal God for me hath died:
My Lord, my Love, is crucified!

Is crucified for me and you,
To bring us rebels back to God.
Believe, believe the record true,
Ye all are bought with Jesus’ blood.
Pardon for all flows from His side:
My Lord, my Love, is crucified!

Behold and love, ye that pass by,
The bleeding Prince of life and peace!
Come, sinners, see your Savior die,
And say, “Was ever grief like His?”
Come, feel with me His blood applied:
My Lord, my Love, is crucified!

Then let us sit beneath His cross,
And gladly catch the healing stream:
All things for Him account but loss,
And give up all our hearts to Him:
Of nothing think or speak beside,
My Lord, my Love, is crucified!
[Charles Wesley]

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“Circumstances don’t cause our nature, they reveal our nature.”
[Bob George]

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DEEP THOUGHT:
“A home should be clean enough to be healthy and cluttered enough to be happy.”
[Chuck Swindoll]

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I hope you enjoyed some of these insights. Share them with your friends and colleagues, so we can have a larger ‘pool’ to receive from—and more to share with! Also, remember to include your name as the “source,” especially if some of this wisdom is of your doing—I would like to give credit where credit is due!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
[1 Corinthians 13:4-13].

Mark

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Disclaimer: All the above jokes & inspirations are obtained from various sources and copyright are used when known. Other than our name and headers, we do not own the copyright to any of the materials sent to this list. We just want to spread the ministry of God’s love and cheerfulness throughout the world.

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